The Sun is reporting that Gwyneth Paltrow and Kate Moss had it out the other day in Mexico where they were both invited to celebrate Sir Philip Green’s 60th birthday. Here’s how The Sun claims it all went down:

“Kate Moss lives her life like she's still at school – ruling her gang of mates with a fag in her hand. But every now and then someone steps up and challenges her super-cool authority, like good old Gwyneth Paltrow.

The Hollywood actress put Kate in her place in spectacular fashion at Sir Philip Green's 60th birthday party in Mexico during a bit of verbal sparring on the beach.

And the put-down was straight out of a comedian's top drawer. A source said: "Gwyneth had gone for a jog on the beach before the big birthday bash. Kate was out for a walk, eating crisps, when Gwyneth ran past.

"Kate said, 'Oi, what you out jogging for?' Gwyneth fired back, 'So I don't look like you when I get old'. Kate was speechless for a second then spat back and threw some crisps at her. She said, 'Why don't you eat some f****** carbs!'

The spat was the talk of the dinner. Everyone was having a giggle about it.”

I know.
I KNOW.

I really, really, REALLY want it to be true too.

But...

It’s The Sun.

The Sun is full of sh-t, like, all the f-cking time.

And besides...

Would Gwyneth actually tell a girl to her face that she looks dry and old? As IF.

Girls like Gwyneth don’t move to direct confrontation. Direct confrontation is for poor people and the low classy. Please. Everybody knows this. The only way to truly insult a bitch is behind her back, and in front of her friends.

Let’s rewrite the story so that it’s more believable. Ready?

 “Kate Moss lives her life like she's still at school – ruling her gang of mates with a fag in her hand. But for many of the people in her circle, she’s still just an unpolished girl from Croydon who needs to be reminded of it now and again when she gets out of line. Last weekend in Mexico, at Sir Philip Green’s exclusive 60th birthday celebration, that duty was left to Gwyneth Paltrow.

Gwyneth has never been impressed with the way Kate abuses her body and the bad example she sets for her daughter Lila Grace. Gwyneth would never expose Apple and Moses to the kind of behaviour Kate is known for. And now that Gwyneth is such a promoter of healthy living and exercise, she is appalled at how Kate’s appearance has deteriorated. Which is why she was overheard telling Kate Hudson and Stella McCartney that:

“How do you go from the world’s most interesting looking girl to a junkie for photoshop? I mean, it’s just irresponsible. She looks like she’s aged 25 years since I saw her last! I feel terrible for her, and I really think I could help her. Tracy could totally tone up her legs. And she’d see such amazing results after a two week cleanse. But she really does need to be helped. The problem with Kate is that she never wants to be helped.”

Kate walked in and heard everything and stormed off after telling all of them to “f-ck themselves”. No one went after her but later on, Stella was seen hugging Gwyneth and complimenting her on her friendly generosity and thoughtfulness.

I just think that’s a way more believable way to start a fight.

Attached - Kate Moss this morning with Jamie Hince in London. No idea why she’s walking around her pants undone.