Dear Gossips,

Guess what? I have at least one installment of Ben Affleck Is A Fool on tap today. So far. But it’s only 8am as of this writing and, well, Ben’s always good for a two-parter, especially this week.

Right now though, to open, we go to Beyonce. Because Beyonce should always be on top. VOGUE. The September issue. The magazine’s most important issue. And she’s on the cover, the third time she’s made the cover.

The wet hair look is a major thing right now. I love it on Mrs Carter. I don’t understand how the grease doesn’t get all over the clothes though which is why Jordy, Key Hair for The Social, who’s pulling a curling iron through my hair right now, thinks they might have just used a little silicone-based product but kept spraying with water the entire time. Please. This is the minimum amount of maintenance required to vogue Beyonce.

How about this shot of her from the back though:

How about the fact that the excerpt includes quotes from Stella McCartney and Marc Jacobs and Riccardo Tisci but nothing from Beysus herself?

Beyonce evidently doesn’t speak anymore. And while this distance is annoying – and ineffective – when she’s trying to sell a vegan diet (click here for a refresher), it might not be a bad move for Beyonce, from an image perspective, to go all Greta Garbo on us. Right now, through social media etc, celebrities are becoming more and more accessible. No, of course, you’ll never really be Taylor Swift’s friend unless you’ve walked the runway for Victoria’s Secret or write your own show on HBO, but every day, she wants you to believe in the possibility. And she’ll over-share her feelings with you to the point of exhaustion.

That’s not Beyonce.

Beyonce doesn’t want you to know what she’s thinking, ever. Beyonce doesn’t want you to ever think that you’ve figured her out, because if you’ve figured her out, it means you’re the same. Beyonce isn’t interested in being relatable. Beyonce wants to be Other. The question is whether or not Anna Wintour let her get away with that. Or if even Anna gave Beyonce a pass on an interview. They’re making us wait for it. Which, that too, is so Beyonce.

Click here for more on Beyonce in VOGUE so far.

Yours in gossip,