Today is the last day of July. It’s been a great month in gossip. Taylor Swift, Nicki Minaj, and Katy Perry gave us Girl Sh-t. Drake and Meek Mill are giving us Boy Sh-t. Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton gave us Country Sh-t. But the smuttiest sh-t belongs to Ben Affleck, often the creator of his own sh-t situation because this guy, this guy can’t help himself. And even the outlets that are supposed to be kissing his ass, like PEOPLE, can’t do it. The sh-t they have on him is too good. And, um, too true.
Late afternoon yesterday, E! News posted an exclusive about Ben’s situation with the nanny. Christine Ouzounian accompanied Ben to the Bahamas when he went there with his kids and Jennifer Garner to hide out after announcing their divorce. According to E!, Christine was actually still on the payroll at that time. But then Jen “found out that Ben and Christine had been intimate” when they were there. He was f-cking his nanny with his children and his estranged wife in the next bungalow? The MiniVan Majority is going to burn him alive.
E! also reports that Christine was so in love with Ben that she couldn’t stop talking to her friends about it and one friend tells E! that "Ben told Christine things that led her to believe they were going to be fully together. Over the course of the last few months, their relationship became very real and serious to Christine”. Apparently he was the one who arranged their “covert meet-ups”, supposedly at the Hotel Bel Air. But he got pissed though when Christine allegedly called the paps to shoot them together.
Ben, as you know, has been denying everything, his rep saying that they’re considering legal options. A Ben source tells E! that he’s done nothing wrong:
"Ben is absolutely not dating anyone. There is nothing physical or romantic between Ben and Christine. Dating is not his focus and it hasn't been his focus throughout the separation period. He was tired of Jen's negative energy and constant berating—but that does not mean he cheated."
And this is where we are now. Ben’s gone undercover. Christine’s getting papped, conveniently at the Hotel Bel Air, and… oh look…
Here’s Jennifer Garner, visiting a young cancer patient at a local Atlanta hospital on her day off.
Oh Ben Affleck, you are F-CKED. And, again, you are totally Nick Dunne.
I’ve already made the comparisons between Christine Ouzounian and Andie, the character from Gone Girl. But two years ago, way back in 2013, I wrote that Jennifer Garner was the perfect Amy Dunne. Click here for a refresher. As mentioned yesterday, there are a lot of famous, influential Hollywood moms who can’t believe Jen broke the first rule of LA childcare: never hire a hot nanny. A guest on The Social this week reminded me of one of Chris Rock’s best quotes:
“A man is only as faithful as his options.”
This is not about blame. Of course it’s not Jennifer Garner’s fault. That’s not the point here. The point here is what her social circle is thinking. That that’s how they think. That this is what they’re all thinking. They would never hire a hot nanny. And Jennifer Garner, as smart and as strategic as the best political wives, hired a hot nanny. Why? Amazing Amy?