Which, I guess, makes J-Rod. But I think I like A-Lo better because A-Lo reminds me of Asshole. And Alex Rodriguez is one. Which totally makes sense. Jennifer Lopez is drawn to them.

So it was widely reported last night, from a variety of different outlets, that JLO and ARod are dating. Apparently it’s been a “few months” and they were together in LA last weekend and he’s been at her show in Vegas recently too. Maria emailed me last night about this, wondering why it had never occurred to anyone before that this was possible and she’s right. Like it totally makes sense. I mean, she’s JLO. So obviously he’d be attracted. But it’s also JLO. So obviously she would be attracted. Because she is always attracted. To the WORST.

On paper, I guess, it’s an improvement over buying your backup dancer lover bear a truck for his birthday and building his career for him by making him the creative head of your tour. I guess. But, then again, I also don’t know if I ever want to see JLO doing this:


It’s not that a woman shouldn’t feed a man. It’s THAT man. A man who sleeps beneath a portrait of himself as a centaur. And while we never saw JLO, say, feeding Ben Affleck, she did endure a similar kind of bro-f-ckery when they were together, sitting beside him wordlessly while he played poker, the embarrassment of him going to a peeler bar during their engagement and there was some of that in Marc Anthony too as there have long been reports that he was controlling of her when they were married. I remember watching them on the red carpet one year at the Oscars while she was being interviewed. Marc was standing beside her, stone-faced, and becoming more and more so as the interview went on. So… again… OF COURSE she’s with ARod. Of course she is.

How’s that going to look now with a retired athlete who has a monster ego? JLO will never not be a bigger name than ARod …ever.