The Jonas brother who isn’t Nick (or the third who doesn’t count) talked about his penis size in a Reddit AMA and no one cared. What people do seem to care about is what Joe said about losing his virginity to Ashley Greene. Remember when they were a thing? Joe was 20, still part of the Jonas Brothers and Ashley was still recognizable as that girl from Twilight who wasn’t Kristen Stewart… or Nikki Reed… or Anna Kendrick. So, That Jonas Brother and That Girl From Twilight dated for a while and he lost his virginity to her.

He told the story on Reddit like this:
“It's quite the great story because I didn't have any condoms, so I went to our drummer, Jack's room, who was my roommate at the time and I demolished his room looking for them… Found them underneath his underwear drawer. When he came home, he thought somebody broke into his room because his whole room was demolished because I was in dire need. Needed to happen then and now. Safety first, kids.”

That is not a great story. It’s a terrible story. It’s not funny or interesting. Every 20 year old has searched their roommate’s room for condoms. This is a basic human rite of passage. I’m assuming Joe Jonas was asked directly about said virginity because if not, this whack ass story is an insult to Reddit and the Internet as a whole. Joe was in a boy band for his horniest years. You’d think he’d have a better sex story than this. Anyway, Ashley Greene has maybe responded to Joe’s dumb story. She Instagrammed a cryptic message as one does when they are passive aggressively trying to reach an ex in 2016.


A photo posted by Ashley Greene (@ashleygreene) on

Good one, Ash. I took some time to try to put myself in Ashley’s position. Is Joe’s story just dumb or is it gross and “low classy” as Ashley is maybe suggesting in her super subtle post? I immediately thought of Wilmer Valderrama’s infamous interview with Howard Stern where he bragged about taking Mandy Moore’s virginity – or implied it at least. That was gross, hands down. Is this scenario less gross because Joe is talking about losing HIS virginity instead of taking Ashley Greene’s? It might be good for gossip but it’s still a bit tasteless to talk about sex with an ex so publicly no matter what the circumstance, right? So far, the headlines I’ve seen have called Joe’s Reddit AMA “candid” and “hilarious.” What if this was a female celeb boasting about rummaging around desperately for condoms and revealing the famous dude she lost her V-card to? I don’t know if the response would be laughter. Sadly, if this was Miley Cyrus’s AMA, I think the headlines would look a lot different.

Now, it’s time to judge me for being gross because I spent way too many minutes of my life watching the new DNCE video Body Moves and feeling unexpectedly inappropriate things about The Other Jonas. Judge me or be gross with me. Your call.