For a few hours yesterday, the Internet thought Lindsay Lohan was engaged. In those hours, people pretended to care about Lindsay Lohan. We talked about her again. Her name was trending. She was the top story on TMZ.
Then, her rep released a statement shooting down the engagement rumours, saying the story was “untrue” and redundantly, that it “holds no merit.” Well, that was fast. They should have given it a couple more days. They should have at least let us speculate about wedding venues and which Mean Girls cast-mates would be invited.
TMZ originally broke the news of Lindsay’s engagement. TMZ is not The National Enquirer. Now tell me, knowing what we know about Lindsay and how much she LIVES for attention, are we really supposed to believe that TMZ’s source wasn’t solid and probably from inside the Lohan camp? Over the past month, there have been conveniently timed stories about how Lindsay’s super reliable parents approve of her fake fiancé Egor Tarabasov, how Lindsay is “playing house” with him and how she is “ready to settle down.” So subtle.
First, let me address the obvious: OF COURSE Lindsay is dating a 22 year-old son of a Russian millionaire. I’m not saying she’s a golddigger but she ain’t messing with no 22 year-old philosophy students living off Ramen noodles. Lainey has repeatedly written about Lindsay’s type. Refresher: it’s dudes with accents and deep pockets. In the numerous stories that came out in the hours we believed Lindsay had finally found her one true love, this Egor kid was described as the heir to a multi-million dollar company with possible Russian mob ties and his own shady business. Immediately, I thought Lindsay, girl, don’t say yes to anything less than a billion. How will you live!?
Lindsay Lohan and I are the same age. My age means The Parent Trap and Mean Girls came out at fundamental times in my life. I was in the target demos for each film. I can recite both movies by heart. For years, I was rooting for Lindsay Lohan. For years, she gave us reason after reason to stop rooting for her. I still wish her the best and hope she lives a long and happy life with whichever sugar daddy she settles on but someone should tell her fake engagements can’t keep her relevant. Dancing With The Stars, maybe.