Well thanks God. Before this summer, celebrity breakups were getting so classy and civilised, and Gwyneth was taking credit for the trend of famous conscious uncoupling. But there’s only so much class and civility to be had on social media in a generation raised on Paris Hilton, The Hills, and Kanye West’s wife’s family. Gossip is better for this.

As mentioned last week, Justin Bieber may or may not be dating Sofia Richie. She flew with him to Japan where he’s touring. This weekend he Instagrammed a series of photos of them together, prompting some of his fans to lose their sh-t, because they are… his fans. In response to the negative comments that were being thrown around, JB left his Beliebers a warning note, threatening to lock down his account if they kept up with the crazy:

Selena Gomez then left a since-deleted comment on his post:

She further shaded him by Instagramming a fan collage, as if to say, oh look, fans, I would never do you like that:


My whole life. You matter most. Thank you for letting me do what I love every day.

A photo posted by Selena Gomez (@selenagomez) on

And of course JB couldn’t resist slapping back so here’s how he answered:

You know that line in Pretty Woman right after Stuckey (George Costanza) assaults Vivian (Julia Roberts)? And, afterwards, she asks Edward (Richard Gere), “Why do guys always know how to hit a woman right across the cheek? Wham! And it feels like your eye is gonna explode. What do they do? Do they pull you aside in high school and show you how to do this?”

Do they also pull them aside in high school and tell them that to get back at a woman, you have two options: sexualise them or take credit for their success?

Justin Bieber has suddenly revised the history of his relationship with Selena Gomez. They weren’t in young love, it turns out. Because she was using him to get famous and leveraging the goodwill of his fans. Speaking of those fans…

It’s not like he didn’t know this would happen. His fans are f-cking bonkers. So bonkers that he’s cancelled all meet and greets on tour because of security concerns and introduced a “no photos” rule when he encounters them. So, given that he’s already aware of how his fans behave, and has himself complained about the scrutiny into his private life, what the f-ck did he expect would happen when he put his new girlfriend on blast on social media? And that is by no means a justification for the f-cksh-t she’s receiving. Sofia Richie, of course, does not deserve to be abused online. At the same time, she also deserves to be protected by a boyfriend who cannot claim to be unaware of how his followers would react.

As for Selena, I mean, I’m here, front row with a smile, any time she wants to drag his ass again. But, um, she also, earlier this year, made it clear that she was done talking about him “I never intended for my life to become a tabloid story.” 

Ohhh…kayyyyy…but then as a follow-up to JB’s accusation that she exploited him for attention, she’s now openly accusing him of cheating:

And, supposedly, JB decided to name names in retaliation for the Zayn comment by posting:

“I cheated…Oh I forgot about You and Zayn?”

I can’t find a screengrab for that yet. But both the Daily Mail and Just Jared are reporting it.

Like I said, I am LIVING FOR THIS. Every minute, every letter, even every emoji, I am breathing it. It is restoring me.

But the next time they tell us that gossip is bad and blah blah blah respect their privacy and their personal lives, and boo the media for creating these “narratives”, are we allowed to ask them why they’re on Instagram picking fights with each other?

Attached - Justin and Sofia shopping in Japan yesterday.