(I don’t remember the Sprite. What am I forgetting?)

The most recent episode of SNL was always going to be a stacked deck for musical theatre, song-and-Broadway nerds. Elsewhere you can see host Lin-Manuel Miranda do his ‘I hope I nail SNL hosting’ rap to the tune of My Shot, and be introduced to a whole new audience, since I imagine it will be played on cable news networks as in ‘Oh isn’t this just so disrespectful?’ You know what part.

But the highlight of the episode is a little documentary piece known as Crucible Cast Party. Please do not flinch from the realness:

Originally I planned to list each and every truth and the corresponding cast parties I attended, at which it occurred, like this:

Wanna bone but I don’t know how/
So I’m gonna steal his hat from him and just sort of walk around
West Side Story

Sexy teen in old-age makeup The Dining Room

10 PM Massage Train Actually much more likely on an overnight choir trip

Then I call my mom & Dad, and tell ‘em everything/
Cause if we don’t have our parents’ trust, we don’t have anything
TWO people did this at the Fiddler on The Roof party

The parents all come to see me/
I was the Phantom in Phantom/
And I was Sweeney in Sweeney 
-- Guys & Dolls, Fiddler On The Roof, OMG what are we going to do when he graduates, there’s nobody who can, like, carry a show like that, this is why we can’t do ‘Joseph’.

If You Sex Me Right Tonight I’ll Tell You What the Spring Show IsHahahahah this is where I started crying I was laughing so hard.

Obviously it is completely factual and followed me around for all of my high school years. I also laughed at the show shirts, although we had show sweatshirts because we were incredibly cool, and  because we got to wear them all through show week – yes, we did five or six performances. We were basically Off-Broadway. (No we weren’t.)

Two quibbles and one actual quib. Or something.

-  Not the right colour tan for Cecily’s character shoes. In fact, they look altogether too stylish to be character shoes.

-  Yes, all theatre kids love to sing – but technically that brand of nerdery is left for musical wrap parties. A stage play like The Crucible would have the music nerds turned down by 20%

The only thing that was weird to me was not having Sasheer in the video. Sure, maybe she was away or sick that day but it felt noticeable and weird, since these videos tend to have all the ‘girls’ in them. I wish she’d had a verse – maybe she’s the harassed wardrobe manager who doesn’t make it to the party until all the costumes are accounted for?

Otherwise, this is completely factual. Shout out to those of you who can’t quite throw away the show recordings currently moldering in your parent’s basement.