Written by Duana

Oh Sandra. Honey, what was going on tonight? Everyone knows tonight was a moment for you – that even though you were talking about what a great experience it is to win, that all you could think about was the beginning of the end that was last year. It was written on your (I’m so sorry) not nearly makeupped enough face.

Now, even if Sandra’s life hadn’t exploded last year, doing the bid-for-an-Oscar gauntlet is exhausting, I’m well aware. Just the thought of getting into the merry-go-round of what to wear and hair and etc. must have been exhausting. But nonetheless, she kind of phoned it in. Red dress like so many others, whatever hair, no amazing eyeliner…she just looked kind of over it.

But Sandy, here’s the deal. You already know that, against your will or not, you’re the poster child for women who kick the guy’s ass and keep going. You continue to have every man in the room salivating over you in that “she’s the coolest chick I know” kind of way. Only you could get away with drily mocking and making fun of all these dudes. You have a little son whom you love and you somehow gracefully deal with prying press without getting all fussy about it. LIKE SOME PEOPLE. PORTMAN. I know that your life is great – it just…doesn’t look it.

I say this as someone who is happily ensconced in a series of unrestrictive cotton items, so grain of salt, but – would it kill you to dress like living well is the best revenge?

Photos from Wenn.com and Ethan Miller/MARK RALSTON/ROBYN BECK/Frazer Harrison/Gettyimages.com