Check out Tom Cruise in London yesterday. I wonder if that’s home for him now. He’d been shooting Mena in Georgia for a few weeks but London’s been homebase for a while, for several of his last few movies. The next movie, as you know, is opening very soon. Two weeks until Mission: Impossible Rogue Nation. I saw the trailer last week before Magic Mike XXL on a big screen. Come on. Admit it. For what it is, and we’re not calling it Birdman, it looks good. The plane scene is crazy. And, yes, it’s crazy because it’s actually him, Tom Cruise, hanging off the side of the plane during takeoff. Like, a real takeoff. And, you know, just to be clear, you can’t fake a plane taking off either. It can only come off the ground when it reaches a certain speed. There’s no asterisk to this sentence: Tom Cruise was on the outside of the plane, clinging to the door. ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE PLANE!!! I have anxiety just thinking about this. So of course they just released a featurette to show how that scene happened.

If I were Vin Diesel, or whatever super dude grrrrrrr action movie star you can think of, I’d tweet out this video with the caption, “Fine, Tom Cruise. Your dick is the biggest dick of them all!” And some asshole will respond all like, whatever, that’s no big deal, he’s all strapped in. Um, yeah. I can see he’s strapped in. I can also see his legs are free. So if he lets go, he’s still not secured against the side of the door. In fact, if he lets go, he’s dangling OFF THE SIDE OF AN AIRBORNE AIRPLANE, just flapping around! F-ck. I just dry heaved from the terror.