This wasn’t supposed to happen to the Top Tier. This kind of sh-t is usually reserved for the low level, the B list and under. But, as I mentioned in today’s open, a new world order has taken hold in Hollywood. Which is why it seems like every other week, another major star is burning out. Twenty years ago a nanny called Chrissy O would have been forced into hiding with an assumed identity for getting involved with Ben Affleck. Last year she was making pap walks at the gym and at the grocery store with a fresh blowout. Twenty years ago, Vanity Fair would have never broken ranks with Team Tom Cruise and published the story of Ninja Katie’s escape from Scientology, thereby forever ending their relationship with what was once the biggest movie star in the world. Twenty years ago? Johnny Depp would have dictated his terms to Amber Heard and she would have had to accept them.

And now? Now Johnny Depp’s ex Vanessa Paradis is writing letters to TMZ vouching for his character.

And one of his friends, comedian Doug Stanhope is writing op-eds for The Wrap, standing up for Johnny’s integrity and accusing Amber Heard of blackmailing him. According to Doug, none of Johnny’s friends trusted Amber from the beginning. But they were all too weak to tell him to his face that she was a manipulative bitch who would eventually ruin him. Click here to read his piece. Because Johnny was the big cheese, and you don’t doubt the big cheese, and so Doug is now taking accountability for what’s happening, for not being a good friend, a good soldier, and protecting the leader.

Well… um… exactly.

You’ve just written a 1000 word essay about how he’s the leader. Why would we believe, then, that this isn’t more of the same sacrifice to protect your leader? Everyone here has a motive. Vanessa Paradis’ motive is her children. And just because it never happened to her doesn’t mean it couldn’t happen to anyone else. Same goes for his ex-wife.

What we have here is an old school Hollywood attempt at a rescue. Other people are speaking for Johnny. Johnny’s sending out his publicist, his exes, and his boys to stand up at his internet trial. But the internet doesn’t work like a conventional court room. The whole f-cking point of the internet is that you’re supposed to be able to speak for yourself. Which is why this isn’t working. Because Johnny Depp doesn’t know how. After all, this is the man who wears masks for a living. Who prefers to act under a mask instead of with his own face. His career choices that made him a movie star are destroying his movie stardom. Is that ironic?

Attached - Depp performing with the Hollywood Vampires yesterday in Germany.