Armie Hammer was supposed to be ready for the weekend. He and the Call Me By Your Name team were supposed to be at the Spirit Awards together, hit up a few pre-Oscar parties, and then show up to the Oscars proper as a posse. Armie had a whole beauty plan in place too.

He worked on his chest:


A post shared by Armie Hammer (@armiehammer) on

He worked on the hair:  


A post shared by Armie Hammer (@armiehammer) on

He worked on the face: 


A post shared by Armie Hammer (@armiehammer) on

And then, unfortunately, he had to call in sick to the Spirit Awards. Here he is on Facetime with Timothee Chalamet, from bed: 


Armie had the flu. And he had to call in medical support: 


A post shared by Armie Hammer (@armiehammer) on

As we saw last night, Armie made it to the Oscars, presenting an award and then joining Jimmy Kimmel’s celebrity surprise stunt by shooting a hot dog gun into the theatre. We’ll come back to this in a minute. Because first I have a question: did we know Armie Hammer was this dramatic? I’m not trying to say that him having the flu isn’t serious and doesn’t deserve sympathy. But he’s had a pretty dramatic few months, what with the Oscar campaign and his Twitter hissy fits and his grudging against Buzzfeed’s Anne Helen Petersen, and now all the behind-the-scenes Oscar flu documentary…

Armie is …precious then, right? You know how I know this? Because I AM PRECIOUS. I too am that person in the friend group who will turn a cold or an eye infection into a documentary. Can’t decide if that makes me like Armie more or less. 

Back to the hotdog gun now...

Since we’ve established that I’m precious about being sick and also very, very paranoid about getting sick (Duana was around some pink eye last week and I accused her of being a “carrier”), would you want to be getting a hotdog shot at you by someone who, not even 24 hours ago, needed an IV to treat his flu?