I cried laughing. I tweeted. I cackled. I cried crying. I Felt My Spirit. 

I watched last night’s Babyface and Teddy Riley rematch on Instagram Live.

To be absolutely truthful, I went over to Questlove’s IG Live and watched it there. He was bootleg livestreaming, which turned out to be a great choice based on what happened later – but also I just wanted to say “went over to Questlove’s”, like he and I are buddies and I dropped by. 

 

Anyway. Last night. The rematch. And the Greatest Comedy Show Ever Told. It is taking everything I have not to tell this story entirely in GIFs. But if you skipped yesterday’s piece, or social media on the weekend, Twitter, particularly Black Twitter, was referring to them as ‘Uncle Kenny’ and ‘Uncle Teddy’. Not just because of their problems with technology or in not understanding the format of an IG Live, but in how barely contained their rage was when things didn’t work. 

All of which distracts from the fact that these two have an incredibly rich musical history, which was the ostensible point of this battle. Here was the set list: 

Killer track after killer track, right? Except those were almost beside the point. The actual point of the night was the part that is unaffected by the pandemic, or technology, or the format. 

And that is shade. 

You may have seen or heard that Babyface won the battle. Which is true. If you watched, you know it’s true – not because of the tracks but because of the depth and variety of the burns that Babyface landed on Teddy. He just always had another line coming. Case in point, the remix conversation: 

“I DON’T DO REMIXES.”

!!!!

You guys, both Kathleen and Lainey were under the false impression that it was more important for them to watch The Last Dance, which is available on NETFLIX (as in available at any time) so they missed all this in real time (and caught up later) and instead I had to foist all my screeches on our friend Kayla, who was as gracious as anyone would be if a woman they only kind of knew blew up their phone with “I’M CRYING!!?!” for 90 minutes. 

 

There were many technical glitches before The Big One, and many points where Teddy Riley – who was sweating early on, but was in a white-hot PANIC when it became clear he had to follow “Red Light Special” – either left the room or fell offline. 

Babyface was Not Amused, but during one such glitch, he goes, “Imma do my white song”, grabs a handy guitar, and whips out CHANGE THE WORLD (which tbh is unquestionably the whitest ever). Like, that’s your back pocket song? That’s your “Oh, I guess if I run out of time I can pull out this lame old BELOVED FAVOURITE”????

But it gets better, because when Teddy returns, he whines, “Aw, they told me I wasn’t allowed instruments!” Kenny Babyface Edmonds looks down and quietly comments,

“I thought you brought the instrument with you, my brother.” Please enjoy it with me: 

And then, the fateful end. Teddy Riley, who was hosting, starts having connectivity problems. Or maybe he didn’t charge his iPad. Or maybe….

TWITTER CALLED IT. TWITTER CALLED that Teddy was disconnecting so he could go get his keyboard all ‘what, this?’ But when he came back online, he and Babyface couldn’t connect again. IG crashed, or overloaded, or just wouldn’t let them rule the entire internet anymore. So Teddy is playing his keyboard, all ‘look at me now, huh?’

Meanwhile, on HIS IG Live, Babyface is just … disgusted and annoyed by the unprofessionalism. Tired of Teddy, of Instagram, of the internet in general. But you know what he is, regardless? PREPARED. He blithely plays “End Of The Road” – and lest you’ve been caught up in the comedy, all of these songs are ones he wrote, produced, or BOTH – and then was like, “oh, also I’m going to make all of this yank at your heartstrings” and plays “When You Believe” so that all of Instagram is *both* hyped as f-ck and sober as judges… and then he says goodnight. 

And you’ll never see him on the internet again. As Kayla said, “Uncle Kenny” has had enough. 

 

It was the greatest comedy show of the year, bar none. Per Donald Webber Jr., AKA Alexander Hamilton on Broadway … 

It was the best. It was comedy, it was nostalgia, it was, almost incidentally, absolutely incendiary and iconic music, and it was very obviously and unequivocally Black, fundamentally steeped in a culture where I was a delighted guest. It was the most unexpected, immersive, hilarious comedy show with a healthy side of boy sh-t and Adults Doing Technology, and I urge you to RUN and watch in its entirety – including flipping between the two lives – before its 24 hours are up. (A version on YouTube is embedded below.) 

Trust me, you’ll appreciate seeing this in real time, just as I appreciate these two musical legends for the biggest belly laughs I’ve had since quarantine came to stay.