Diddy's dating (un)accountability

When it was revealed earlier this week that Diddy had welcomed a seventh child, it left a lot of people scratching their heads. There was no mention of who the mother was, and the baby was reportedly born back in October. But it seems the most visceral reaction to the news came from Yung Miami, real name is Caresha Brownlee, who is believed to have been in some sort of romantic relationship with Diddy that dates back to June of 2021.

On Monday when the news broke and TMZ revealed who the mother was, she quickly took to Twitter, unleashing a series of tweets insisting that she’s no “side bitch” and that she doesn’t “come second”, suggesting Diddy wouldn’t look in the direction of most women.

But many people were left wondering what the Twitter manifesto was all about given her murky dating history with Diddy, and his murky dating history overall. 

Back in the summer, Diddy appeared on Yung Miami’s online talk show, Caresha Please. During his appearance, the two shared details about their relationship, with Yung Miami wanting to go on record about what their status was.

“I’m single…but I’m dating. I’m just taking my time with life,” he said when she asked him what his relationship status was. Then she pushed, asking for clarification on what their relationship status was. Diddy answered her question by saying, “We date. We’re dating. We go have dates, and we’re friends. We go to exotic locations, we have great times, we go to strip clubs, church…”

Maybe I’m looking too deeply into it, but in the clip, it looks like a wave of disappointment washes over her as he gives his bullsh-t answer, which quite literally sounds like they’re in a relationship. But hey, Diddy said he was single – and boy, did he prove it.

Just before the surprise birth announcement, literally the day before, he was seen holding hands with an influencer named Shawntya Joseph. The two were taking a leisurely stroll around New York City, both in black, in photos published by the Daily Mail.

Over the years, he’s been tied to a long list of famous women which includes the likes of Naomi Campbell, Cameron Diaz, JLo, Cassie, and my girl Lori Harvey. If this were just a case of him dating around, I wouldn’t be too concerned. But his last several girlfriends have been very young, nearly half his age, and his relationships have involved allegations of cheating and abuse.

In the 90s, he dated a stylist named Misa Hylton-Brim. He shares a son named Justin with her who was born in 1993. After their three-year relationship, the two stayed amicable. But in interviews she did years after their split, she alleged he cheated on her, insisting that there were no hard feelings.

Shortly after that breakup, he began dating Kimberly Porter, who died in 2018 of complications due to pneumonia. She gave birth to their son Christian in 1998, and Diddy made the move to adopt her son Quincy, who she had in a previous relationship. In 1999, they announced their separation, and a nasty custody battle followed. After getting back together four years later, the two welcomed twins D’Lila Star and Jessie James before splitting one more time for good.

While on his break from Kimberly, Diddy and JLo had a fling. It lasted two years. JLo said they shared a bond over music and likened him to a ‘mentor’.

“You know, Puffy and I both grew up in the Bronx. He had been in the music business and had all this success. I was just starting and making my first album when I met him…We had this kind of crazy, tumultuous relationship that ended in a bang,” she said. “It was definitely a moment but I felt like it was necessary. He was meant to be in my life at that moment to teach me what I needed to know about the music business, about what kind of artist I wanted to be in the music industry.”

The pair ended up separating because JLo didn’t feel she could have the family life she imagined with him, a sentiment shared later by Cassie Ventura, whose relationship with Diddy spanned over a decade.

In between JLo and Cassie, also while on his break from Kimberly, there was Sarah Chapman, whom he shares a son with. After that, it was rumoured he was dating Naomi Campbell before a reported low-key fling with Cameron Diaz. Then came Cassie.

They dated from 2007 to 2018. They met when she modelled for his clothing line and kept their relationship a secret for the first five years. It wasn’t until 2012 that they walked their first red carpet together. But after finally accepting he wouldn’t marry her, she left him and began dating her personal trainer, Alex Fine, and they had a baby the year after her split from Diddy, ultimately tying the knot with him in 2020.

Despite sending the couple well wishes when their relationship began, over the last few years, Diddy has expressed sadness over losing Cassie. And this year, his song Gotta Move On was thought to be about her. He also thanked her for “holding him down during the dark times” when he accepted a BET Lifetime Achievement Award.

After his split with Cassie, he started dating model Gina Huynh, and was accused of mental, emotional, and physical abuse during an intense podcast appearance on Unwine With Ashak. During the episode, she said she had been pushed and punched during their relationship and that he made her nose bleed and would throw her high heels at her. She said he compared her to Cassie all the time, saying Cassie was “the good one” and she was “the bad one”. She also claimed that he paid her $50,000 to abort a pregnancy twice over the course of their relationship.

People flooded the comment section of the YouTube video expressing support for her and belief in her story about what he did to her, some suggesting Cassie must have similar stories.

Interestingly, she says their relationship started while he was still with Cassie.

“He was so charming. I was young, too. I was young, naïve, I didn't know no better. It was enticing. It was very tempting. It was hard not to…I do feel bad though.”

After a short stint with Lori Harvey, who unfollowed him when he began spending time with another woman, there was one more rumoured romance between him and Miracle Watts before speculation began in June of 2021 about him and Yung Miami.

So it’s no wonder she is TRIPPIN. She’s head over heels in love with Diddy – yet he refuses to confirm that she’s his girlfriend, he’s refusing to give up his singlehood and just settle down, and not to mention, he’s out dating and got someone pregnant. It’s unclear whether she knew about this ahead of the announcement or if she found out when the rest of us did. But despite the circumstances, I do wonder why she expected anything less from him, given his chaotic dating history.

The idea that JLo saw him as a mentor is every indication that they shouldn’t have been dating. There is a huge power imbalance right off the bat – and that power imbalance continues to widen as the women he dates continue to get younger and younger.

I’ve expressed support for non-traditional relationships. I’m a huge advocate of finding out what works for you and doing just that. But Diddy's dating history isn’t just a series of amicable, open relationships. His dating history tells the story of a grown man, incapable of being faithful and adequately dealing with his trauma and seeing that manifest itself in toxic and abusive ways.

It’s widely known that the 2018 death of his ex Kimberly Porter wreaked havoc on his mental health. And rather than sit and work through those feelings with a licensed therapist, he is continuing to find young, impressionable women to (allegedly) unleash his wrath on. 

His self-victimization over Cassie leaving him after spending more than a decade pushing for marriage, raising questions about her and Alex’s dating timeline, despite his relationship with her being riddled with infidelity on his part is textbook narcissistic behaviour. Most troubling, though, is the respect he continues to get from society – even from the women whom he was unfaithful to and the women he abused. Despite the allegations, Gina went on to post photos of him kissing her on the cheek, and she responded to the reconciliation rumours by saying he’s a “good friend” and that he’s “blessed her”. And despite years of abuse allegations, BET still found him to be a worthy recipient of a Lifetime Achievement Award.

We’ve seen this before. With men like Diddy, Chris Brown and R Kelly, their celebrity and musical accolades seem to overshadow the abusers they’ve proven themselves to be. And until there is more accountability and less tolerance, I’m afraid men will continue to escape the consequences of their actions.