Gwyneth Paltrow and Brad Falchuk are getting married this weekend which, ahem, I was the first to tell you on Monday, even though other outlets are claiming the exclusive. I’m being a petty c-nt about this and I don’t want to be sorry. 

Anyway, here are some more exclusive details about G’s wedding weekend:

Rehearsal dinner is tonight. The rehearsal dinner is behind hosted by Jerry and Jessica Seinfeld, in case you were wondering how close they all are. Dress code is “beach chic”. At some point there’s also going to be a golf outing. Brad Falchuk plays golf. Does G play golf? If she does start playing golf, will she reinvent golf? Will she introduce a new form of golf? Wellness golf? I golf. It does not give me a lot of wellness when I shank my ball off the tee. Can wellness golf help improve my putting? I think I might want G to invent wellness golf. 

As I’ve been telling you for a while now, so far many of the details of G’s wedding have been pretty traditional. The invitations were pretty traditional, even a little dated, like what you would see in Martha Stewart Weddings in the early 2000s. Everything else that’s been set up, from what I’m told, isn’t super goopy either – if, that is, you consider goop to be a tastemaker. Curious about the dress though. Almost any designer would do a proper wedding dress for Gwyneth Paltrow. Will it be princessy? Will it be cut to the body, strapless? Will there be a tiara?!?!