One of the biggest trailers dropping during the Super Bowl is the super-sized trailer for Fast X the penultimate chapter in the “Fast Saga”, which is still a stupid thing to call these dumb movies. The self-importance kills me, and it’s killing these movies, but…I’m gonna see this anyway. Because Jason Statham is back as Shaw. The Stath has never been self-important about these movies. He knows exactly what they are and performs accordingly. Every movie is improved by adding Jason Statham, the Fast/Furious movies are no exception. Also, this trailer shows Shaw reunited with Sung Kang’s Han. Didn’t Shaw kill Han? Or at least, create the circumstances of Han’s fake death? The way these movies just ignore everything! It’s almost elegant!

 

Jason Momoa is the new bad guy—though Charlize Theron is still hanging around, waiting for a chance to do something in one of these movies at last—and they’re tying him into the bank vault heist from Fast Five. Somehow, that ruined his life, so now he is out to ruin Dom Toretto’s life. He’s going to do this with countless instances of vehicular manslaughter, honestly, I don’t know why anyone drives in this universe. You are taking your life into your hands with every trip to the store. My grand unifying theory of cinema is that Pixar’s Cars takes place in a world where the vehicles of the Fast/Furious movies become sentient and murder all the humans for constantly crashing them into things.

These movies are not complicated, so the three-minute, forty-second trailer is loaded with Stars! who appear in the film. Basically, everyone is back except Dwayne Johnson, along with new editions Momoa and Brie Larson.

 

Welcome to the FAMILY, Brie Larson, hope these fans are less toxic than Marvel fans. 

 

This certainly looks like a Fast/Furious movie. As a lover of big dumb action movies, I should like these movies more than I do, but again, the tone kills me. I signed up for silly racing movies about midrange electronics thieves, not Vin Diesel’s Opera.