Lainey and I haven’t sent a text to each other this week that wasn’t about To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before. We have major Peter Kavinsky problems. I’ve watched the movie so many times I’ve decided that Netflix should have an instant replay button. The ‘Watch it Again?’ section isn’t enough. YES, I WANT TO WATCH IT AGAIN STOP JUDGING ME, NETFLIX. When I’m not re-watching To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before, I’m rereading Jenny Han’s books or reading about the making of To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before.
The #TATBILB hashtag is a great resource if you’re a grown ass woman like me who is starving for more content about a teen rom-com when you should be working. My latest #TATBILB hole uncovered this tidbit about the movie that destroyed me.
Noah Centineo and Lana Condor were just casually napping in each other’s arms. STOP. IT’S TOO MUCH. Please list my cause of death as this anecdote. Tell my family I loved them. TATBILB director Susan Johnson shared more behind-the-scenes secrets to ET, like how Noah Centineo improvised the move where he saves the popcorn from spilling during his pillow fight with Kitty AND the now infamous back-pocket spin that we’re all consumed by.
“He did it in the rehearsal and I was like, 'That is beautiful, we're going to change the shot around! He's a natural flirt so he knew what he was doing. The hot tub, it's just their chemistry. There's a little of Noah there and a little of Peter there."
Welp, that’s not going to help our Noah Centineo problem. I just listed off some very specific moments from the film without any doubt that those of you reading this know exactly what I’m referring to. Every day since this movie dropped has been a day of dissecting a different scene. The one that doesn’t get enough attention, in my humble opinion, is when Evil Genevieve and her unnamed friend are at the house party trying to find out what Lara Jean and Peter have done… sexually. Evil Gen’s friend says, "H on B, H on C, H up and down on P, T on C?"
My friend once got a message on Tinder from a guy asking her if she wanted him to C on her Ts. That, I understood. This scene took me right back to high school when I first found out what a BJ was. I was making the same face Lara Jean does (shout out to Lana Condor’s impeccable facial expressions.) Thankfully, Popbuzz compiled some tweets that have kindly translated all this teen dirty talk for those of us too old to be this obsessed with this movie in the first place. This post also made me laugh for a solid five minutes.
Clearly, "H up and down on P" is a give away. It's exactly what you think it is. Hand. Penis. Up, down. You get the picture…. 'B' is clearly boob in this scenario, which would essentially be second base. Hand on boob. Great. We can close the case file on that one. 'H' on 'C' and 'T' on 'C'? They are basically third base acts; which means, if 'B' is already boob and 'P' is already penis, 'C' is probably clit and 'T' almost definitely tongue.
Sometimes, I love the Internet.
If you’re feeling ashamed of your TATBILB fixation, know that I spent almost an hour of my day on Tuesday trying to figure out how to make a GIF so I could do this:
Blessing the TL with Noah Centineo casually resting his head on Lana Condor's shoulder... pic.twitter.com/uNo0HRKvyx— Kathleen Newman-Bremang (@KathleenNB) August 21, 2018
No shame. We’re in this together.