Before Colin Farrell goes full-Penguin in the TV spin-off of Matt Reeves’ The Batman, there is Sugar, a mystery of the un-fun variety, in which Farrell plays John Sugar—I know this is his name because it is said approximately one million times in the trailer. 


John Sugar, always both names, never just one, is a private investigator who finds missing people in Los Angeles. A rich man wants John Sugar to find his missing granddaughter. Other people do not want John Sugar to find the missing granddaughter. Something is weird about John Sugar. Also, there is a dog.


I am SO worried about the dog, because Sugar is not giving “fun little murder mystery” vibes, it is giving “deeply anxious and upset” vibes. At first, I thought this would be a Ray Donovan type story, until they introduced the missing persons aspect, and the neo-noir styling got stronger, especially with that downbeat cover of “California Dreamin”. Also, there is the thing where John Sugar sees and/or experiences strange things. Sugar is billed as a “sci-fi drama”, so that’s probably not a visual representation of like, mental health struggles, it probably IS some weird sh-t happening “for real” to John Sugar.

Just not to the dog! I am really getting where I can’t see animal cruelty in film or TV, and I KNOW it says nothing good about me that the prospect of a mystery centered on a missing woman doesn’t bother me as much as the prospect of on-screen animal cruelty, but I think it’s actually about the sex scene discourse. People are like, We don’t need sex scenes, they’re not necessary, meanwhile I, an intellectual, am saying, Actually what we don’t need is animal cruelty. It’s about casual depictions of elements that people might consider ancillary to the main story. The missing woman IS the main story, she isn’t an ancillary detail. But when it comes to “rhythm of life” stuff, I would so much rather have a random sex scene than a dead animal. One, at least, is about intimacy and pleasure, the other is just about cruelty. 


Anyway! Sugar looks great, Colin Farrell is SUPER DUPER hot, I will NEVER forget Britney describing their 2000s fling as a “brawl”, and I am VERY afraid for the dog.