Idris Elba and Sabrina Dhowre are engaged. It happened on Saturday in London at a screening for his film Yardie at the Rio Cinema. Yardie is Idris’s directorial debut. So he must have been all into his feelings, with a major career achievement, and his love by his side. This is what happened: 


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A lot of people have a lot of feelings about Idris’s feelings. Like their Valentines Days have been ruined. You know, because he’s so hot. I too have some feelings. But not because Idris is no longer available. My feelings have to do with the fact that… oh, is Idris that guy? 

A public proposal? 

I was born without a soul so this kind of thing embarrasses me. Like when people do it a sporting events or at an airplane, OR AT SOMEONE ELSE’S WEDDING, it makes me uncomfortable. Not that I’m not happy for Idris and Sabrina. They’re doing their thing. Good for them. It’s just… a certain kind of person who proposes in public, you know? 

Then again, maybe we should have known all along. Remember Idris’s music video for his song Private Garden

You probably don’t because I have tried for years to actively UN-know his Private Garden. I mean, it would be great if Idris wanted to enter my private garden but hearing him sing about wanting to enter the private garden doesn’t make my petals want to open. Here are some of the lyrics:

Show me where you’re coming from girl
Show me what you running from girl
It might take time for you to trust
Let your guard down
Let this brother enter
Your private garden

It’s as bad as Justin Timberlake singing about his “meat” and his “purple”. 

But I’m not here to sh-t on Idris’s love. He has found his private garden. May it bloom forever.