Timothy Olyphant is my last forever love standing. He would have to try very hard to make me not like him anymore, or to find him anything less than extremely hot in all circumstances. I mean, my crush survived the introduction of his midlife earring, it’s a pretty bulletproof crush. Except, well…look. I am trying to be positive. I am feeling my way through this latest development, I am trying to corral my thoughts into some semblance of order, because ever since Lainey emailed me yesterday morning with some new photos of Timothy Olyphant I have had “WTF Timothy” pinging around my brain on an endless loop. 


The thing is…TO bleached his silver fox hair and it’s…well…

Timothy Olyphant attends LA Loves Alex's Lemonade 2023 at UCLA Royce Quad on September 23, 2023 in Los Angeles, California

Okay. Okay. Here’s the thing. Everyone gets to deal with their gray on their own terms. And maybe he always wanted to bleach his hair and figured a strike summer when he’s not working or promoting anything was the perfect moment for it. But also…I am struggling. I am zooming in on these photos trying to see if he still has the earring, because I don’t think I can handle this hair AND the midlife earring…and yes, it's there, I am STRUGGLING.


I think I have reached the limits of my crush. I am learning new things about myself and my boundaries. Please respect my privacy during this trying time.

These photos are actually from an event—supporting Alex’s Lemonade Stand, a genuinely great cause—that occurred last weekend. It’s like some cosmic entity hid these photos from me because it didn’t want to expose me to this. Some benign force was protecting me until Lainey sent me these images and ensured I would never know peace again.

I’m not even mad about the outfit. Timothy Olyphant is long past caring about dressing for events, and sure, a woman would probably not get away with this, but TO is the guy who routinely shows up places looking like he’s just come from power washing his deck. He used to torture Conan O’Brien with his casual wardrobe. It’s part of his whole famous guy persona at this point, and I have to assume publicists around town know what they’re getting when they invite Timothy Olyphant places. At least, they know to expect the sandals and the shorts and the threadbare tees. I don’t think anyone was prepared for the hair.

WTF Timothy.