Toy Story 5 is going to make us contemplate aging

Last year was dogsh-t at the box office, but one of the bright spots was Zootopia 2, Disney’s in-house authorized furry fanfic, which became Hollywood’s biggest animated film of all time—a necessary distinction as Ne Zha 2 is still reigning biggest animated film, period. Even when the box office flounders, animated films remain a popular draw. I mean, KPop Demon Hunters was only in theaters for five days and it still pulled $24 million. Imagine if it got a proper theatrical release! All this is to say that Toy Story 5 is coming this summer to be one of the guaranteed bright spots in the box office.

I also never want to count Toy Story out on artistic/thematic merit because, well, Toy Story 3 is the best in the franchise, and one of the best children’s films ever made. It’s the third movie in the franchise and even as people were like, Talking toys? AGAIN? We all ended up weeping at the movies by the end of that one. You never know when this franchise is going to sucker punch you right in the feels.

The trailer for Toy Story 5 dropped yesterday—after a Super Bowl fake out, a lot of people thought it would debut during the big game—revealing Woody’s bald spot and new troubles in toyland. (Yesterday was also the launch of the trailer for World War II drama Pressure, starring Brendan Fraser and Andrew Scott. We are so deep into dad lore on World War II that we’re now making movies about the WEATHER MAN.)

Toy Story 5 takes on tech, with Bonnie, the toys’ new kid, getting a “Lilypad” tablet device to play with and immediately turning into a zombie. Greta Lee is in to voice Lilypad, who is the antagonistic toy this time around. I find the animated franchise that famously put 2D illustrators out of work a bit hypocritical for making an entire movie about tech taking jobs from good old-fashioned, hard-working, imaginative play toys, but I also don’t expect a Disney movie to be doing a lot of introspection. Still. Bit rich, y’all!

But like all Toy Story films, #5 looks cute, and again, you never know when they’re going to put us on a conveyor belt of emotion and make us consider our mortality, friendships, and the eternal nature of love in one of these things. It also has an all-star cast, with all the returning stars such as Tom Hanks, Joan Cusack, Ernie Hudson, Keanu Reeves, John Ratzenberger, Wallace Shawn, Annie Potts, Tony Hale, Bonnie Hunt, Kristen Schaal, and noted narc Tim Allen. Newcomer Greta Lee is joined by Conan O’Brien—loving his actor era so far—and Melissa Villaseñor also voicing new toys.

What I am actually fearing is that Toy Story is going to take on aging and the fleeting nature of life and I am at just the right part of middle age to both still feel like I have a lot of road ahead of me but also, I worry about my blood pressure now. Please do not make me contemplate my mortality, Toy Story. I am not emotionally equipped to deal with this franchise being THIRTY-ONE YEARS OLD. Toy Story is old enough to have a mortgage! Toy Story is old enough to be DIVORCED! This is not a temporal reality that I acknowledge. Except I just know this movie will make me Contemplate The Passage Of Time in ways I am not ready to process. That’s what Toy Story does. These films relentlessly usher us into new phases of life through the power of toys and friendship. F-ck!