When Duana and I were lining up our coverage last night, we had a column called the “f-ck off” list. You will soon read who made the “f-ck off” list. Spoiler: a few Oscar nominated and winning actresses. Also Jared Leto. It was a f-ck off for Jared Leto at the Oscars this year and, once again, it’s a f-ck off for him at the Met Gala. Because he did the most obvious thing ever. We all could have predicted that this is what it would be – a golden thorny crown, a beard, and a scarf. It’s always a scarf now with this f-cking guy. Like he’s declared himself a disciple of his own personal Jesus, Johnny Depp. I mean we get it. He’s with Gucci. And there is a Gucci aesthetic. But what’s the point when it’s just so goddamn obvious, you know? 

And then there’s Jaden Smith. I was all about Jaden last year when he showed up clutching a bouquet of his own hair, completely on theme with the Art of the In-Between. But the prop this time, his record “Icon”, as a play on Catholic iconography is… well… not exactly iconoclastic. He’s literally holding up a standardised symbol of success while fronting like he’s the ultimate subversive. I’m having a hard time defending it. 

So why don’t we just enjoy Trevor Noah. You don’t have to try at all to defend Trevor. Christ Jesus, Trevor Noah is gorgeous. This is Balmain. It’s impeccably tailored. And what’s impressive is that giant cross on his left side does not overwhelm him. In another dimension, in my imagination, Trevor Noah could have been my Bucky Barnes.