My post yesterday about Justin Timberlake’s arrest for drinking and driving ended with a mention of Reese Witherspoon’s arrest for disorderly conduct back in 2013 (!) when she said to the officer “do you know my name?”. Sarah was editing yesterday and because she’s brilliant, she was the one who added that kicker to the piece – because while we now have JT’s mugshot, as of the time of this writing, the dashcam footage has still not been released. 


I wonder if we’ll get it or if the cops in the Hamptons will protect a rich white man from embarrassment. 

On Justin Timberlake's arrest

I’m talking about Reese and her “do you know my name” moment because JT has an equivalent. He didn’t necessarily say those words but he implied them. According to Page Six, which is based in NYC so they definitely would have the sources on the inside with law enforcement leaking this kind of information, the arresting officer is so young, they did not know Justin Timberlake. It’s the one time the youth are coming through with their cultural ignorance! This is how a drunk Justin Timberlake attempted to address the officer’s knowledge gap: 

“This is going to ruin the tour… the world tour.”

It’s big “do you know my name” energy. And totally on brand. Of course he would. Of course he did. 


And of course his f-cking friends were reportedly trying to talk the cops into letting him go. Per TMZ, JT claimed he’d only had “one martini” and was following his friends home, and those same friends “attempted to intervene… asking [the police] to cut him a break”. 

Here’s where you wish that officer was a little older because if it were maybe someone more experienced, they’d be giving those f-cking friends a lecture about letting their boy get behind the wheel after he’d been drinking. Or maybe they did, but we don’t know because we don’t have the dashcam. Release the dashcam! 

Are we entitled to the dashcam? Is it mean to ask for the dashcam, which would only further inflame this scandal? This is how I see it, and you don’t have to agree with it, but if you drive drunk, endangering the lives of everyone who crosses your path, and you are fortunate enough to not cause harm, both to yourself and your family and the other innocent people who were potentially your victims, and you have the financial means and the influence to hire the best lawyers to help you with your case and you’ll probably not have to do time, then you can endure a little public embarrassment. You can eat some sh-t online, you can become social media’s target for a few days. And for those who might still want to defend Justin and his hurt feelings for the whole internet clowning his ass over the last 24 hours…


Like, he was drinking AT A HOTEL that night. Literally a place where you can sleep it off for a few hours before heading home. Don’t tell me he couldn’t afford the room rate. And even if the hotel was full, don’t tell me they couldn’t have found him a bed in that establishment, if they had to. Or, you know, just CALL HIS DRIVER, ffs. There is no excuse for this. And his celebrity and wealth should protect him from criticism. 

So about that clowning? We don’t need to go hard on it, but I’ll just share a few that made me laugh. This one seemed to be the most shared in the immediate aftermath of the news: 

But the speed of it all! It happened so quickly, these memes, the TikToks, the comments, the comedy. And you know why? 


Not hyperbole. I said in my post yesterday that Britney doesn’t have a mugshot even. And on that note, if we’re talking about how long we’ve been waiting… 

And speaking of Britney, did you see this? 


The internet really does have its moments. And “fo shiz fo shiz”, so does Britney. I’m sure you saw what she posted yesterday? 

Let me just end on one more – this one is edited, stitched together from two separate events, but it really, really works at times like these. 

So… what’s next for Justin? Will there be a statement? Remember, he’s on tour right now. And his next show is tomorrow in Chicago. Will he say something tomorrow night? Those are people who paid money to go see him. It’s the safest place possible for him to seek absolution because that’s an audience already predisposed to supporting him. They have already endured his f-ckery for all these years and are somehow able to stomach him. They would be the most forgiving. They will probably cheer and shout “we love you” when/if he apologises. He wouldn’t be challenged. It’s the ideal environment for him to face his shame. And, historically, Justin Timberlake has shown us that he’s most comfortable when he’s comfortable. That is, if change comes from discomfort, it’s no wonder that he hasn’t had to.

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