This story is random and weird and hilarious and I love it. Did you hear about Lorde and the fact that she might be an onion ring expert? If it’s true, it’s my favourite detail about Lorde.

Earlier this week, Lorde’s fans became convinced that she ran a secret Instagram account, “onionringsworldwide”, cataloguing the best and the worst onion rings on the planet. If you’re interested in the evidence, click here. I’m not interested in the evidence. I’m interested in the fact that this is what she might be doing when she’s not writing songs and performing and promoting her album – that is, being a human being with real human being food fetishes. We all have them. For some people, it’s burgers. Burgers is actually a really common one. We all have a friend, or several friends, who can’t f-cking shut up about which burger place is best and why. Duana, for example, for a while, when it first opened, was all about a certain burger place in Toronto with a sort of religious name. They serve the kind of burgers that are homemadey styles, you know? Not like pre-cut patties? I prefer the pre-cut patty. She thinks I’m unevolved. 

Other common food fetishes that people talk incessantly about include pizza, BBQ, tacos, you get the point. It’s never onion rings though! But that’s how much Lorde cares about onion rings!

You know what I care about? Chinese food. I consider myself pretty experienced in Chinese food. Right now I’m in Houston and there’s a Sichuan restaurant here called Chengdu Taste. The Chengdu Taste in LA has been declared by some the “best Sichuan restaurant in the country”. I’ve not been to the one in LA. But, given that big statement, I obviously want to go to the one here. We don’t have a lot of time though so I called them yesterday to find out about their hours and, if we decide to stop in for lunch, whether or not they might have dimsum on the menu. When I asked the person who picked up the phone about dimsum, he told me he’d never heard of dimsum before. This is the kind of small thing that I fixate on and have an irrationally hard time getting over because I am a grudgy, judgy asshole. I know it’s only one person and one phone call but… is that like calling an Italian restaurant and asking them if they have burrata? Even if they don’t serve burrata, they should know what it is!

Whatever. My principles are flexible. I think we’re going there later. Will report back if we do.

Attached - Lorde performing in Tennessee the other day.