Michelle Obama reflects on her empty nest

Former U.S. First Lady Michelle Obama recently said the quiet part out loud as she reflected on being an empty-nester, now that daughters Malia, 28, and Sasha, 25, are out in the world, living on their own. During a taping of her IMO podcast, she revealed that while she loves the fact that her daughters are grown, she doesn’t actually “miss” them.

The revelation was prompted by a question posed by Jon Stewart, the guest on this episode, but slipping back into his role of late-night TV host, flipping the script on Michelle and asking her a series of questions instead. Through his line of questioning, she reflected on whether she missed her girls or not after Jon asked her how she handled the two going off to college.

“I don’t miss them. I don’t. I love them. I’m going to see them tonight for dinner,” she said plainly. “You know, Barack cried when they went to college. I was like, ‘Goodbye.’ Now, Friday nights aren’t wrecked with terror and fear about, ‘Where are you?’”

She spent some time during the conversation praising Malia and Sasha’s “emancipation and growth” since leaving their childhood home, but when she was asked by Jon about whether she ever missed the “pattern” of raising kids, she said no.

The conversation then turned to her acknowledging and understanding why it’s different for fathers – why Barack cried at the girls going off to college, whereas she waved them off with excitement, ready for the levels of freedom this would unlock for her.

“I think fathers can be that way because you weren’t there from 6:00 to 9:00 at night, you missed a lot of it,” she explained. “I mean, I’ve had so much quality time with my children. So much. I know them inside and out.”

This isn’t the first time she’s reflected on being the primary parent during Barack’s time in office. In a December 2025 episode of her podcast, she recalled the time she had to tell her daughters she was “done parenting” on one night where they were being particularly rambunctious.

“They were probably 7 and 3 at the time, and Barack was travelling, so I was at home trying to get the girls to bed,” she explained. “I was in my frustrated mommy time. I said, ‘Well, that’s it. No one listens to me. I’m done parenting. You seem like you guys have this all figured out, and you can do this on your own. So have at it.’”

Malia immediately changed course and implored Michelle to not check out, admitting that she didn’t know what she’d do without her, which Michelle said was the exact outcome she was hoping for.

Even beyond parenting, Michelle has shared quite a lot about what family life was like while her husband was off running the country. In this piece from 2022, I did a deep dive into some fairly polarizing sentiments that she shared about why relationships among young people these days just aren’t seeming to last the way they used to (spoiler alert: she thinks we give up too quickly).

During this particular appearance, she shared that there was a point in her marriage where for about a decade, things were pretty rough. It was here that she explained that at some points, one partner is giving 70% while the other gives 30% and that there were times where she had to take her foot off the career gas pedal, slowing down and being more present at home to compensate for Barack’s absence.

When you consider all of that, it makes complete sense that she is not only feeling the way she is, but expressing it so publicly and unabashedly. This is a woman who has paid more than her motherhood and wifely dues – and now, it’s time for her to live life on her terms. But she didn’t arrive at this point on her own. Last year, she revealed that being in therapy was helping her navigate the transition into being an empty-nester. During a conversation with Jay Shetty on his On Purpose podcast, she had this to say:

“’At this phase of my life, I’m in therapy right now because I’m transitioning, you know?” she said. “I’m 60 years old, I’ve finished a really hard thing in my life with my family intact, I’m an empty nester…Every choice that I’m making is completely mine. I now don’t have the excuse of, ‘Well, my kids need this’ or ‘My husband needs that’ or ‘The country needs that.’”

With September being upon us and so many families finding themselves in the situation of having kids going back to school, or parents having to sit with the fact that they are getting nearer to being empty-nesters, I’m hopeful that Michelle’s narrative helps people to see life beyond all-consuming parenthood. I’ve shared many times that due to my own custody arrangement, I’m able to have quite a lot of free time for myself, and only recently have I found the comfort and confidence to say out loud how much I enjoy that time away from my daughter. It allows me the freedom to do everything from pursuing passion projects to travelling to sleeping in. So I totally get where Michelle is coming from and I really appreciate her saying it out loud.

More and more, we’re getting indications from women that motherhood doesn’t have to look the prescriptive way it has in the past. In fact, you don’t have to be a mother at all. Powerhouses like Tracee Ellis Ross and Mary J. Blige and countless others have been forthcoming about their choice to forego parenting, and in Tracee’s case, marriage, too. And they are happy. And free. And then you hear from someone like Michelle who, despite several years of childrearing and having to put herself on the backburner for a long time, can now prioritize what she wants her life to look like.

Perhaps one of the most beautiful things to come out of this conversation was Michelle meditating on the meaning she has in her life – the meaning outside of children. And for her, that’s her current projects and of course, her freedom.

“I’m good, look at all this meaning I have,” she said, looking around at her podcast studio. “I have a wonderful pattern. I love my schedule; I have a great schedule and it’s all mine.”