What? Did you actually think we wouldn’t be talking about Noah Peter today? My whole inbox this weekend was about Peter Kavinsky aka Noah Centineo. So many of you emailing from around the world feeling the way we felt last weekend when To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before happened to us. Lara Jean Covey’s letters happened to all of us, OK? And now we can’t go back. If you’ve been anywhere online lately, you know this – Noah Centineo is a big deal. And he is LIVING for it, right now.
You know this if you follow him on social media. Every day his follower count goes up by a million. According to Instagram, his friends call him “Cent”. Which means Kathleen is already calling him “Cent” in her own fantasies. Speaking of her fantasies, Kathleen worked all weekend at the iHeartRadio MMVAs. She was part of the team that wrote the show. Here is that team:
I’m showing you what the other team members, Claudia and Brian, look like because you’re about to feel sorry for them. They’ve had to endure ten days of Kathleen being like this:
She’s a professional though. Don’t you doubt it.
All weekend, “Cent” has been posting to his feed and his stories – this morning he’s walking around his house, or someone’s house, with his shirt off, his voice all ragged, probably from too much smoking the night before. Or however he’s been celebrating. Because that’s exactly what that life is now. Wall to wall celebration, celebrating his status as the Internet’s Boyfriend. Not bothered at all that so many of us have seen his dick. (If you have not seen his dick, please don’t ask me to show it to you. It is enough that I have informed you that it’s out there. I believe in you. You can find it all by yourself.) And not all that bothered that his IG got hacked yesterday with people giving away iPhones. The problem has since been fixed. He did not slow down, not at all.
But wait. Noah doesn’t want you think he’s a garden variety f-ckboi, OK? Have you checked his Twitter? This is what he retweeted yesterday. In the middle of his shirtless celebrations, he wanted us to see what he’s reading and relating to:
feelings that were once so present.— Orion Carloto (@orionnichole) August 26, 2018
excerpt from my book, flux. pic.twitter.com/YqG5uFnUd8
Apparently someone at some point broke Noah’s heart. At one point Noah’s been the one to say “stay”. At one point Noah was left behind. I just texted this to Duana. Lest you think this is just me and Kathleen behaving like teenagers, Duana is in DEEP. When I told her that Noah claims to have experienced the devastation of love, her response was, “Of course he has. He couldn’t do those eyes at Lara Jean if he hadn’t”.
Fine. But the charm is in the balance. “Cent” will moon over the broken heart poetry. But also? “Cent” knows all the moves. His most recent tweet, designed to make you squeal, to make you and Kathleen punch that “coffin” (dead) emoji until it can’t get any bigger: