Oscar Isaac, Silver Space Daddy

Dune was supposed to come out last year but like most things, it did not. Now, it is supposed to come out in October, after premiering at the Venice Film Fest and playing TIFF. Thanks to Warner Brothers’ “dump everything online” plan, that is probably going to happen even if theaters have to close again due to surging COVID variants. With the release three months away, Warners is relaunching the marketing campaign with a new, extended trailer. The first trailer didn’t excite me, but this one at least gives a sense of the scale of the action. We also see more of Zendaya as Chani, one of the Indigenous peoples of the planet Arrakis, which has been colonized and mined by a galactic empire. But really, no one cares about the politics of Dune, all anyone cares about is OSCAR ISAAC, SILVER SPACE DADDY.

I realize people go nuts for Timothée Chalamet and his alabaster skin, but the Order Of Hotness ranking of this Dune trailer is:

Oscar Isaac, Silver Space Daddy

Jason Momoa

Zendaya

Timothée Chalamet

Rebecca Ferguson

And, honestly, if there were three seconds more of Ferguson in the trailer, she’d outrank Chalamet. I don’t make the rules, I just report them. 

Oscar Isaac has gone through many phases of hotness on screen in the last decade, from holding-his-own-against-Ryan-Gosling hotness to sleazy bad guy hotness to cat guy hotness to dancing creep hotness, but now he has achieved his final form: total silver fox hotness. Look at him. Look at his luxuriant, salt and pepper beard. No one should ever make that man dye his distinguished silvering locks (I will NEVER forgive Moon Knight for this!). I 100% believe Timothé Chalamet is his space son, not because they look anything alike—they don’t—but because I, too, would mope in the desert if my dad was unsurpassably hot. Sad space boy Paul Atreides knows that no matter what he does, he will never be hotter than his father, Duke Leto. “Dad, what if I’m never as hot as you?” Paul asks. Leto replies, “LOL, you won’t be, learn to live with it.” That is how that exchange goes, word for word. Dune is a hard sell, so they should just stick to “hot sad people IN SPACE” and hope for the best.