Nicky Hilton Tara Reid: ghetto tits in Cannes These budget bongos, on the other hand, are quite obviously all brick. No idea what she’s doing here, no idea who invited her, but I have a pretty good idea how much liquor she’s consuming and how far her legs have spread. Anyway, here’s Tara taking advantage By Lainey • May 21, 2006 08:00 am
Brad Pitt Last Word on the Pitts Contrary to what you may be reading about the baby having been born already, my sources are insisting that Baby Jolie-P has yet to make its arrival. And on a Buddhist note (which Angelina has been known to practice) it would be EXTREMELY, EXTREMELY contrary to principle to begin a By Lainey • May 21, 2006 08:00 am
Paris Hilton Sarah Michelle Gellar: just another TV girl Talk about nails on chalkboard. Here’s a bitch I can’t stand above all others, even Jennifer Aniston. Sanctimonious, rude, condescending – yet another tv girl hoping to make the big screen leap. Um…newsflash, Mrs. Freddie. Get in line and, while you’re at it, grow a new attitude. By Lainey • May 21, 2006 08:00 am
Charlie Sheen Charlie on the beach A few for my own private collection, taken by my husband – now a pappy in training. Charlie, Oliver Stone, Willem Dafoe, and Tom Berenger were huddled in a private lounge prior to the photo call. Charlie was smoking, sucking on the thing like it was his last…I totally know By Lainey • May 21, 2006 08:00 am
Sean Diddy Combs Posh & Becks pre-party with Diddy Speaking of my favourite couple, check out Vicky and David in London last night for Diddy’s party, one night before their own supposed pre-World Cup celebration. Mrs. Beckham has killer style, don’t you think? And please…save it about her busted face. You should be numb to it By Lainey • May 21, 2006 08:00 am
Jake Gyllenhaal Mimi and the ladies give back Look at the magnanimous Mariah doing her part for Operation Smile! A motherload of juicy jiggle, non? Say what you will but I continue to cling to one of my own personal and essential Gossip Truths – that her tits are the real deal. And as naïve as it is to By Lainey • May 21, 2006 08:00 am
Cameron Diaz The Daily Skitty: Heather Graham When I first met my husband, the two women on his Freebie 5 were Cameron Diaz and Heather Graham. Obviously, I married a blind man who grew up in a trailer park. And while his mother would totally kill me if she knew I said that – because Poles are far, By Lainey • May 20, 2006 08:00 am
Gwen Stefani Uma Uma At the moment, Uma Thurman sits atop my husband’s Freebie 5. And since Gwen Stefani’s pregnancy, she is the only member of his Freebie 5 - although I think the sales girl who sold him La Dauphine from the Christian Dior store the other day has probably gained By Lainey • May 20, 2006 08:00 am
Hugh Grant Heike Makatsch Do you recognise this woman? Look at her face. I’ll give you a second. … … As long time readers of this column already know, one of my all time favourite movies is Love Actually. From November to the end of December, I watch it at least once a week. Every By Lainey • May 20, 2006 08:00 am
Denise Richards The Gargantuan Forehead of Tyra Banks Waaaaaaahhhhhh. Soooo Welly Bick Head! That’s what my mother would say. Astonishing, isn’t it? The enormity? The sheer size? The glaringly obvious hypocrisy of Tyra Banks? The weave line, the unwaxed lip, the trannification – where does this woman get off telling other shallow psychotic supermodel wannabes how much By Lainey • May 20, 2006 08:00 am
Beyonce arrives in Nice You know what totally rocks about being a rich, rich, rich celebrity? Private air. Chartered flights. I call it “fresh flying”. Take a look at Beyonce arriving at the airport in Nice yesterday for the Festival. Now tell me, have you ever looked this good, this FRESH, after 9 hours By Lainey • May 20, 2006 08:00 am
Rebecca Romijn: what an ass No seriously. Look at her ass. My Goddess that’s an ass. It’s absolutely mouthwatering, don’t you think? The ass and those legs, those legs that go on forever – totally wasted and a frickin’ crime if you ask me. Wasted on that useless and dispensable Jerry O’Connell By Lainey • May 20, 2006 08:00 am
Britney Spears Britney begs for sympathy Who can resist the tears of a woman, even a woman as irritatingly ignorant as Britney Spears? In case you haven’t heard, Britney almost dropped her baby the other day, in front a large crowd of pappies, wearing heels and holding a drink, her ankle turned, Sean’s head By Lainey • May 20, 2006 08:00 am
Jennifer Aniston Sofia Coppola in Cannes I trash people all the time for wearing the same thing, the same black dress, over and over again. Because on Jennifer Aniston, it’s just plain boring. There are, of course, exceptions to every rule. And constant black on Sofia Coppola is actually pure gorgessity. There’s something so By Lainey • May 20, 2006 08:00 am
Clive Owen The Daily "Just Miss": Amanda Peet Small steps, gossips. Small steps. Not bad, all things considered – especially in light of past transgressions. But, as you all know, an inch or two can make all the difference. In her case, there is something very, very off about the length of this tunic. The back is nice enough. By Lainey • May 18, 2006 08:00 am
Kevin Federline Skitty is the new skank Please skip to the next if you don’t care for vocabulary discussions. My new favourite word: SKITTY. From my new London lexicon (the English are so deliciously catty, don’t you think??) meaning dirty, trashy, nasty – used to describe girls like Sienna Miller, for example, and NOT meant to By Lainey • May 18, 2006 08:00 am
