At the risk of sounding like an asshole…no… I will sound like a asshole so there’s no risk, it just is… one of the best things about my job, not just as a blogger but as someone who writes sh-t and tells stories for a living, is that everything is “research”. I’ve just spent 15 minutes watching porn. And I promise you, it was for research. Like if I had to defend it, I wouldn’t even have to make a case. A friend of mine just told me that what we were watching gave her an idea for a character. Not every job is like this, I know. So I’m lucky, I know. Which makes me an asshole. I’m sorry.
This next post falls into the same category of job luckiness. Because we’re talking about dicks. Or, rather, we’re talking about a celebrity talking about his dick. It’s been an entire summer of dick talk. One of the best things to happen this year was the introduction of Big Dick Energy, BDE, into the cultural lexicon. BDE started when Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson started dating and became engaged in two weeks. Pete Davidson’s got that BDE. Peter Kavinsky TOTALLY has that BDE. Noah Centineo absolutely has that BDE too, ahem. (Holy sh-t, Peter/Pete is becoming the new hot name. Duana – discuss!)
Anyway, Pete was doing a talk yesterday at Auburn University. Ariana was in the crowd. At some point, he was asked what it was like being with her. This is how he answered:
See? My work is dicks, literally.
Look, it’s not like she’s complaining. Ariana probably loves it. In fact, I’m pretty sure she’s not the only one who loves it. I read a lot of horny books. Women make up the largest demographic of horny book consumers. And in every horny book, if it’s a straight male/female story or a gay male/male story, at some point the dude will tell his partner how hard s/he makes him. And not just when they’re f-cking. Often it happens when they’re approaching the first f-cking scene. It’s practically a formula – they meet, they flirt, they’re trying to figure out whether or not it’s going to happen, and he’ll burst out that, “I can’t stop thinking about you, my dick has been hard from the first time I met you”. This is part of the fantasy. You want someone to want you that badly, that much, and that, um, hard.
Pete Davidson has basically turned fiction into real life. He’s just been scripted out of a horny book. And not in a gross toxic masculinity way. Because it’s not just that line, it’s what comes before it too: I love being with Ariana (“it’s f-cking sick”), I feel very loved (so it’s more than just sex), and the use of the word “forever”. He’s not just hard NOW, it’s a promise that the hardness will last. (LOLOLOL. Now I’m cracking myself up.) So it’s horniness with commitment which, again, is what the conventional romance novel is all about. Is that what these kids are up to? Should we be giving them more credit?