Last week, it was announced that the Oscars would return to using hosts this year, with three people intended to emcee the show throughout the night. Yesterday, the three hosts were Regina Hall, Amy Schumer, and Wanda Sykes. It’s the first time in 35 years the Oscars have had as many as three hosts, and it’s the first time women have hosted the whole evening. Each woman will emcee an hour of the broadcast, with Schumer leading off. It’s no “release a pack of ravenous wolves”, but it’s not the worst hosting idea anyone’s had, either. 


But The New York Times revealed that Only Murders in the Building trio Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez were asked to host. They couldn’t because of scheduling issues, but I wish I didn’t even know about the possibility. Much love and respect to Wanda Sykes and Regina Hall, and respect to Amy Schumer, but that would be AMAZING. Martin and Short have a long history of comedy camaraderie, and Selena Gomez is the unexpectedly delightful addition to their rapport nobody knew we needed until Murders came around and showed us how brilliant those three are together. THAT is a “release a pack of ravenous wolves” level choice. Alas, what could have been…

Similarly, I am a little disappointed no one called The Lonely Island, or their Gen Z counterparts, Please Don’t Destroy. I mean, I get it. The Oscars want to be important and have gravitas and be respectable and blah blah blah. But like. No one’s watching anymore, so why not go balls to the wall nuts and just try to make the most fun, engaging show possible? Like get Sam Richardson, Ben Schwartz, and Tiffany Haddish, but they do it as their characters from The Afterparty. Or get Tim Robinson, Sam Richardson, and a skeleton to emcee the show in the style of an I Think You Should Leave baby pageant, and at the end of the night, whoever wins Best Picture has to fight the skeleton to get their trophy. Or get Patti Harrison. Just Patti Harrison. Let her control the whole night. She’s in The Lost City, so she’s In Hollywood, and she’s an unstoppable comedy force. Let Patti Harrison set the tone for the Oscars, and maybe nobody watches live, but I bet those clips blow up on YouTube the next day.

I’m just saying, Amy Schumer, Wanda Sykes, and Regina Hall is a solid, respectable, roster of what Hollywood thinks comedy is. But with the Oscars stuck in a death spiral and a million and one ideas being batted around to “fix it”, why isn’t anyone just trying to make the show, you know, ENTERTAINING?