What is your Friend Style?

Sally Field, Jane Fonda, Rita Moreno, Lily Tomlin… 

That’s it. I could just end the post right there and it would be enough. These four women, together, all that’s required is for us to stop and appreciate all they’ve given us. It’s more than enough – but now they’re in a movie together and doing press together. A blessing!

So first, about the movie – 80 for Brady comes out on February 3, a week before the Super Bowl. Because it’s about the Super Bowl, but not really. This is the story of four friends who love Tom Brady and have decided to go the Super Bowl. It’s a buddy movie. And there’s a formula. Friendship, road trip, hijinks, miracles, bonding. 

80 for Brady may not be the most original plot… but when you have Sally, Jane, Rita, and Lily involved, they’ll naturally elevate the material on their charisma and, most importantly, their chemistry. This, after all, is what will draw people into the theatre – on the strength of these women as individuals and the promise of seeing the four of them together as friends. 

And they’re already going viral. Because a clip from their interview with CBS This Morning to promote the movie is making the rounds. 

It’s not just Jane’s point about the difference in the kinds of friendship, it’s also what they’re saying about the kinds of friends we are. Kathleen sent this to me and Sasha, pointing out that she’s the Jane in our group, the thirstiest of all us, who is the pursuer of friendships. Sasha is Sally, because she never leaves her house. And I am Lily who “doesn’t like people that much”. My motto, literally, and I’ve said it hundreds of times on this site, is “I hate people”. But pursuers like Kathleen and Jane will wear the Lilys and the Sallys down. 

As for Rita? Rita is the wild card mystery in the friend group. The one who doesn’t say much, who lives in the chaos of the other three around her… but when she speaks, it’s the law. 

You know that game people played during the Sex and the City era? Are you a Samantha or a Carrie or a Miranda or a Charlotte? 

This is another game – are you the Jane or the Lily or the Rita or the Sally in your friendship style? An interesting conversation to have but not one that we have enough? We talk about pursuing relationships romantically. We have a language for it. You know when someone is interested in you romantically. There are recognised phrases that signal that the pursuit is on. “I’d like to see you again.” “I’d like to take you out.” “I would like to get to know you better.” Or, more directly, “let’s get out of here” – ie, “let’s f-ck”. 

What do you say, though, when you’re pursuing a friend? Jane says you should just come out and be like, “I’m intentionally wanting to be your friend”. Would that feel natural to you? 

Also… in romantic pursuits, there’s always the risk of rejection. What are the rates of rejection with friendship pursuits? Is it mean if someone tells you they are “intentionally wanting to be your friend” and you just aren’t feeling it? Because just as it is with romance, you might not be feeling a friendship. Romance and friendship both require chemistry. 

Which, obviously, is not a problem with these four women. You know what else I like here? Beyond Jane’s iconic line “my favourite ex-husband” (LOL forever), it’s that they will happily sass each other. Jane’s all like, oh, I was so desperate to be Sally’s friend and Sally’s response is… OMG, I could not get rid of you, hahahahaha. 

That’s what I’m like with my closest friends. Trash talk all day. Trash talk, it’s not just for men. And it can be loving and affectionate, just as it is here with Jane, Rita, Lily, and Sally.