Dear Gossips,

The most famous person born on September 26 is the Greatest Of All Time, Serena Williams. It is an honour to share a birthday with her. And it’s one of the reasons I love my birthday. If you’ve been visiting this site for some time now, you are probably aware that, like all narcissists, I am a birthday whore. Some people celebrate their birthdays sheepishly, not wanting the attention. This is not me. I need it. I demand it. If you are rolling your eyes right now, don’t spend it all at once. There’s a whole day of that on the way.  

Since it’s my birthday, I’ll tell you what I wish I could be doing for my birthday but it’ll have to wait: I want to see Tea With the Dames (which doesn’t seem to be playing in my area, motherf-cker!). The Dames are Joan Plowright, Eileen Atkins, Judi Dench, and Maggie Smith. The film features the four of them at Joan’s having tea and spilling the tea. On everyone and each other. With affection, of course. For themselves, primarily. For everyone else? That affection is barbed. And it gives me life. 

Here’s the trailer if you’ve not seen it. I suspect all four of them would have something to say about the Oxford comma that’s missing from the line “to gossip, to laugh, and to remember”.  


Who is better at gossip than four British broads with no f-cks to give and so many grudges!? Here’s a clip of Maggie and Joan telling Judi about herself. 


So f-ck Sex and the City. The better game to play is Vulture’s “Which Dame Are You?”. I mean, the truth is, none of us can really match up to the descriptions, considering their acclaim, how decorated they all are. But on attitude, and without the honours, are you a Judi, a Joan, an Eileen, or a Maggie? I aspire to be a Maggie, only because of the adjectives and words that show up in her description: “gossipy”, “insulting”, and “petty”. No one is better at English shade than Maggie Smith. 


Serena and the Dames, they are my birthday guardian angels. 

Yours in gossip,