The Royals The Royals 1.10: Oh thanks god, it’s over The Royals Season 1, Episode 10 recap Spoilers but let’s be honest, who really gives a sh*t? It’s the final episode of The Royals season one—amazingly, this garbage show got renewed for a second season—and somehow, defying all the odds, Ted is still not fired. By Sarah • May 20, 2015 10:49 am
The Royals The Royals 1.9: Ophelia is completely useless The Royals Season 1, Episode 9 recap Status Check: Ted is still not fired. How?! How is Ted not fired?! At one point Cyrus, now the “acting King of England” (THAT IS STILL NOT A REAL THING!), actually says, “I can’t wait to fire you,” to Ted, and I By Sarah • May 11, 2015 12:10 pm
The Royals The Royals 1.8: Ted continues to be employed The Royals Season 1 Episode 8 Recap At this point, the most insane aspect of The Royals is that Ted continues to be the head security officer at the palace. The king has been stabbed while out walking alone in London and Ted reveals he had an agreement with Simon By Sarah • May 04, 2015 03:25 pm
The Royals The Royals 1.7: Dame Joan Collins shows up AT LAST The Royals Season 1, Episode 7 recap I don’t understand how titles work on this show at all. Dame Joan Collins finally appears as Queen Helena’s mom, and her title is “Grand Duchess of Oxford”, except that doesn’t make any sense. A Grand Duchess is the head By Sarah • Apr 27, 2015 01:30 pm
The Royals The Royals 1.6: Ted returns, remains terrible at everything The Royals Season 1, Episode 6 recap Ophelia’s father, Ted, returns this week. He’s the head of security and he sucks at his job so much that I can do this entire recap as a list enumerating all the ways in which he sucks at his job. We’ By Sarah • Apr 20, 2015 02:41 pm
The Royals The Royals 1.5: Prince Cyrus has an orgy in the palace The Royals Season 1, Episode 5 recap Cyrus’s big move to secure the monarchy’s future is to recreate the orgy scene from Eyes Wide Shut in the palace for the members of the House of Lords. Because if the monarchy goes, so goes the aristocracy, and wouldn’t By Sarah • Apr 13, 2015 03:09 pm
The Royals The Royals 1.4: The Queen burns down a distillery The Royals Season 1, Episode 4 recap Usually I title recaps with a notable line of dialogue from that week’s episode, but The Royals simply doesn’t provide notable dialogue, so for this show, I’m switching to the most absurd thing that happens in the episode. This week, By Sarah • Apr 06, 2015 12:07 pm
The Royals The Royals 1.3: “Fashion week makes everyone crazy” The Royals Season 1, Episode 3 recap I do not understand why Princess Eleanor even cares about Jasper evil-butlering her by releasing the tape of their threesome. When we first met her she had a bare-assed upskirt photo on the cover of all the tabloids, last week she was openly By Sarah • Mar 30, 2015 01:15 pm
The Royals The Royals 1.2: “Why all the mayonnaise?” The Royals Season 1, Episode 2 recap This show’s production value cracks me up. Blenheim Palace is standing in for Buckingham Palace—with an assist on some interiors from the Greenwich Observatory—and anything shot in and around Blenheim is beautiful and detailed. But it’s painfully apparent when By Sarah • Mar 23, 2015 02:27 pm
TV Updates The Royals 1.1: “The Queen knows everything” The job of a pilot is to introduce the major characters, set up the primary conflict, and then hook the audience into coming back for more. The Royals succeeds at all of these things, and surprisingly it’s not as soapy as I was expecting. Don’t get me wrong, By Sarah • Mar 16, 2015 12:49 pm
