The Beckhams keep it moving

The Beckham family scandal has been the biggest gossip of the year so far after Brooklyn Peltz-Beckham called out his parents on Instagram stories on Monday.

It was a gift to the British tabloids and the entire gossip ecosystem because this story has everything: two legacy celebrities, two nepo-babies, wedding drama, and an allegedly inappropriate dance between mother and son that has resulted in Victoria becoming an instant classic meme… again. There are so many of them, and I’m sure you’ve seen so many of them, but I’m including this one because of one of the comments.

@thestacythomson

Go on lass. Literally a fly on the wall took this video of Victoria Beckham dancing at Brooklyns wedding. She’s got moves. #brooklynbeckham #beckham #brooklynbeckhamsstatement #brandbeckham #victoriabeckhamsfirstdance

♬ Horny '98 (Extended Mix) - Mixed - Mousse T. & Hot 'N' Juicy

“Release the Brookstein files” is sending me…

LOL FOREVERRRRRRRRRRR

About the Brookstein files, though, apparently only Brooklyn and Nicola are in possession of the video and multiple outlets are reporting that it will never be made public. Which could only come from “sources” connected to Brooklyn and Nicola, even though Brooklyn has accused his parents of constantly leaking to the media. This we can agree on though, right? No matter what side you have taken in this mess, we can all agree that all of them have been leaking to the media?

Does this leak about the whereabouts of the video and whether or not it will ever see the light of day count as a… threat? As in Brooklyn to his parents: back the f-ck off now or I’ll … release the Brookstein files.

I have a hard time imagining Victoria twerking on her firstborn, which is a f-ckass crazy thing to write. This is a woman who has not eaten chocolate since the 90s (she says this on camera in her docuseries), I feel like 99% of human beings would find it much more challenging to resist chocolate than to resist dropping it low on their eldest.

My point is that VB is a paragon of self-control, she’s legendary for it. And, in particular, her self-control is related to her self-image. Have you ever seen anyone besides Beyoncé look good while doing squats in a dress?

That’s the main reason I don’t buy that Victoria was grinding on Brooklyn on the dancefloor: because it’s not attractive, and this is a person who is constantly minding her angles.

Nuzzling is a whole other story. The nuzzling rumour is much more plausible. Was it actual nuzzling or was it a mother resting her head against her son during a dance and open to interpretation? And what was the song? I will expire and never come back if it ends up being revealed that Victoria was slow dancing with Brooklyn as the lyrics “Hasta mañana, always be mine” could be heard in the background.

Needless to say, people are obsessed with the mystery. And will be for a long time. Not even three days in and the Beckham Family Drama is already in the Gossip Hall of Fame, joining all the other Beckham scandals that have already been memorialised there.

This is the thing about the Beckhams – much has been said about them as a “brand” over the last few days, and they most certainly are. And part of that brand is experience with weathering scandal. It’s not like being on the front page and being talked about by everyone is new for them. And whenever they find themselves in the midst of a scandal, they aren’t ones to hide. They do not retreat. Sometimes they couldn’t retreat, especially when David was an active footballer. And they don’t seem to be retreating now. David was in Davos, both he and VB are still posting on IG. And Romeo is in Paris with Kim Turnbull. He’s walked runways before so seeing him at Paris Fashion Week isn’t unusual; there are reports that Kim is there for Chanel. So, like his parents, Romeo knows the game plan.

What IS new for the Beckhams, though, is that while they are veterans at managing scandal, and they have effectively used scandal to strengthen their brand, the assault is coming from another direction. Brand Beckham is built on togetherness – when they are targeted and attacked, accused of infidelity or battling divorce rumours, they close ranks, fortify the walls, band together more closely. “Togetherness” is their strongest defensive and offensive mechanism and, up to this point, they’ve deployed it only against outsiders with an overwhelmingly winning record.

This time … the adversary isn’t an outsider. This time the call is coming from inside the house. This time the opponent is the most insider of all people: their child. And he is threatening to disarm their most powerful cannon, the very idea of “Beckham Togetherness”. This is NOT a game the Beckhams are familiar with. After decades of celebrity resilience, one of Victoria’s favourite catchphrases is “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”, and it’s a defiant statement against the tabloids, the naysayers, the skeptics who have tried to take down the Beckhams, only to see them persevere. It’s the kind of sh-t you say to an enemy, someone you have no interest having a relationship with. I don’t know how she repurposes for this situation though.