They always say they don’t want drama… and yet somehow they find themselves in the middle of the drama. 

Leading up to the Golden Globes, all the gossip about Taylor Swift’s attendance was related to romance and whether or not there would be a new episode of TNT, this time at an award show. That is not the gossip we got at the Globes though. Romance was not on the gossip menu. What they served instead was hostility. Or, rather, speculated hostility. This is what happens when Taylor, Selena Gomez, Timothée Chalamet, and Kylie Jenner are all in the same room. BEEF wins the night, in more ways than one. 

 

Let’s do the forensics on this, step by step. 

Taylor arrives at the Globes with Keleigh Teller. She is wearing a green sequined Gucci dress – I don’t like it as much as the rest of you but we have no time for a fashion pitstop here, the gown is NOT the story. 

Selena Gomez, like Taylor, is also at the Globes as a nominee. Her look is Armani but, again, nobody is talking about the clothes right now! And rounding out our nominee list is Timothée Chalamet, who wore a relatively muted, by his standards, sparkly blazer over tuxedo pants and walked the carpet on his own. 

 

Inside though… 

Here he is, holding Kylie Jenner’s hand, as they take their seats. 

And that, alone, would have been one of the bigger gossip stories of the night, if not the biggest gossip story of the night. Timmy taking Kylie to the Globes?  It would be the first time he’s attended an award show with a girlfriend, officially. 

And this situation, in and of itself, comes with so many questions. Like, does this happen if Timmy was a legit contender? He was never going to win for Wonka. He would have known he wasn’t going to win for Wonka. And he definitely wasn’t there with a Wonka team, he was there by himself – and he wanted a date, someone he could hang with during the show, and Kylie was that security blanket. 

 

That’s not to say, however, that these two aren’t hot for each other because, clearly, as we saw on the commercial break livestream: 

Horny. This is giving let’s not hit the afterparty so we can go home and f-ck. At least that’s what Timmy wants. Kylie, however, is Kris Jenner’s daughter – it’s been programmed into her to flex at the Golden Globe afterparty with the holiday season’s reigning box office king. In my imagination what she’s doing here is negotiating: can’t we just stop by the afterparty and then we can home and f-ck? 

But what makes this even more hilarious is they were doing this at the same table as Reese Witherspoon, Jennifer Aniston, and Jennifer Lawrence. Those three basically had a front row seat to a makeout session. And JLaw is a gossip! She gossips WITH the Kardashian-Jenners, she’s an honourary family member. So there is no way JLaw isn’t watching all that heat going on in front of her between Timmy and Kylie and needing to share it with someone else, either at her table or at another table. 

 

Like I said, Timmy and Kylie would have been enough to satisfy our gossip urges last night. But then this moment went viral. 

That’s Selena Gomez gossiping with Taylor Swift and Keleigh Teller and you can clearly hear Keleigh say, “with Timothée?” before Selena nods and both Taylor and Keleigh do the open-mouth, lean-back nooooo wayyyy. 

To elicit the open-mouth lean-back is the goal of every gossip – and since gossiping is human, we have ALL done this. We have all been the vessel of a piece of gossip that we can’t wait to share that will bring forth this reaction from our audience. When you get the open-mouth lean-back, you respond with the slow smug nod. It’s the combination of the lean-back with the slow nod that makes this video a thing of beauty. Because of the familiarity. Because we recognise it instantly. Because no matter where you’re from and what language you speak, this is the body language of gossip. Celebrities are not above this, as much as they protest that they are, they are actually the biggest perpetrators of it, and this video is the proof. 

 

Now cue the internet lipreaders who, very quickly, decided that what Selena was telling Taylor and Keleigh was that she asked to take a photo with Timmy and that Kylie said no. I’m not convinced that that is what Selena was actually saying. To me, even though I’m not a skilled lipreader, I can’t make out those words from the way she’s moving her mouth. That said, whatever she’s gossiping about, even if it didn’t have to do with being turned down for a photo, it definitely has to do with Timothée because we don’t have to lipread Keleigh Teller’s reaction when she says, audibly, “with Timothée?” And, naturally, social media has exploded with speculation. 

Here's another angle that also cuts to Timmy and Kylie: 

[audible sh-t talking] is sending me… 

Because while, again, this might not have anything to do with Kylie and a photo, they ARE talking sh-t here, sh-t is pretty much the only thing they are talking. So far, at the time of this writing, none of the involved parties have commented. There’s a fake post going around of a comment that Selena left on CNN’s Instagram but it has been determined to be photoshopped – as of 9am ET on Monday 8 January, Selena has not addressed it. 

 

Until then, we have the comedy of it all. This is Twitter’s specialty. 

There’s a lot out there and I’m sure you’ve seen a lot of it already. But this one, it’s my favourite: 

LOL, this mess. MESS! These people were raised in the era of all-camera 24-hour action. And still they found a way to be the drama. Timothée Chalamet has joined the cast of The Kardashians. Maybe not officially on Hulu, but that family’s show, as we know, extends beyond the network. And he’s part of it now. 

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