It's my birthday. Lainey has told you how obnoxious I usually am on my birthday. I force everyone to treat me like Beyoncé all day. I was trying to keep it low key this year but right now I want to establish that today is about celebrating me and no one can get mad at me on my birthday before I admit something. Yesterday, when Lainey assigned me to write about the Heathers reboot I was all cool cool cool, I LOVE Heathers, I got this. But after reading this EW piece about the Heathers TV show, I realized that I don't think I've actually ever seen Heathers the movie. Half of the references EW makes here mean nothing to me. I think I've seen bits of it and heard it referenced so much in pop culture, I convinced myself I had seen this movie. I haven't. In my defence, Heathers came out two years before I was born. This is where we make a joke about how young I still am and move on right? Am I fired?
Even though I'm not entirely sure how they got there now, there are images and quotes from Heathers that are forever engrained in my brain. Winona Ryder's whole aesthetic in this movie is iconic. The quotes hold up. Heathers gave us Jaw Breakers and Mean Girls and became a definitive text on high school power hierarchy (HOW have I not seen this?). The themes in Heathers are universal, no matter how old you are. This may be the only time I think rebooting a classic is a good idea.
The new Heathers will represent diverse body types. One of them is gender non binary. Not all of the Heathers are white. J.D has an Adderall problem. This Heathers is clearly pandering to the teens of 2018 and I'm not mad at it. I'm actually really into it. The trailer has the pacing of the original film (I think) and the same edgy bite (again, pretty sure.) It gives us a glimpse at Selma Blair and Shannen Doherty but I have no idea who they are playing. (Lainey: OMG what is happening here. Kathleen, Shannen was in the original…!) It looks campy, fun and everything Riverdale probably should be.
I don't think familiarity with the OG Heathers is necessary to enjoy the reboot but it premieres in March so there's time to catch up. For those of us who are just TOO YOUNG (let me have this today) to remember when people said "what's your damage?" in conversation, this is our pop culture homework.