Oh my God, please, can this stop? 

As you know, Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga performed “Shallow” at the Oscars, directed by Bradley Cooper. This is an important point, because people seem to have lost their goddamn minds about their chemistry and how undeniable it is that they’re in “true love” when all of it was completely produced. Coop staged it so that the performance was shot the way the performances are shot in A Star is Born, from the stage view instead of from the audience view, so that you’re looking out to the audience instead of looking at the stage. So he would have made the call for the cameras to push in at the end, like right inside the pores on their skin, zoomed on their vomitty eyes closed for the final notes, before opening and troll-teasing whether or not they would kiss. It’s the opposite of “organic”, but for some reason, people are reading into it like the two of them are Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie on the set of Mr and Mrs Smith and Irina Shayk is playing the part of poor put-upon Jennifer Aniston. 

 

This is not what’s happening here. But they keep trying. UK tabloids are reporting that Irina has unfollowed Gaga on Instagram. It’s true – she doesn’t follow Gaga on IG and Gaga doesn’t follow her. But Gaga doesn’t actually follow very many people and it’s unclear whether or not Irina followed Gaga in the first place. She may not have even been following Gaga before the Oscars and if that’s the case, then it’s not really accurate to say she “unfollowed” her after the Oscars. Also, here is what actually happened after Coop and Gaga’s performance: 

He returns to kiss and hug Irina:

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Irina and Gaga embrace:

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Irina is not an actor. I beg you, don’t give her that skill just because you need to further a narrative.  

So no, there is no triangle. But, yes, this is definitely confirmation of the enduring gossip power of a triangle storyline and how hungry we are for a replacement triangle after Brangiston, so hungry we’d settle for a third rate bullsh-t version of it. Unfortunately, this is not it.