David Duchovny is admitting he “could’ve handled himself better” in his approach to his friendship with X-Files co-star Gillian Anderson, who starred in the show alongside him for 11 seasons as well as in two spinoff movies. David made the revelation while in conversation with Gillian, who joined him on his podcast, Fail Better, for an episode that premieres today, after she declared herself a fan of the podcast on social media over the summer.
In July, while filming in Calgary, Gillian (appropriately wearing a cowboy hat) shared a video on Instagram after bingeing several episodes while book signing. In the video, she praised the podcast and David for his “intimate and vulnerable and very smart questions”, adding that she “loves where he takes people”. David responded in the comment section saying she had an “open invite”, and voila.
The first thing I noticed about David’s podcast was that it is produced by Lemonada Media, a podcast company run by women that is at the helm of shows like Archetypes by Meghan Markle, Wiser than Me by Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Hard Feelings by Jennette McCurdy and a slew of other shows that range from being 2SLGBTQ+-centric to open discussions about midlife and menopause and mental health. When you think of male podcasters, chances are people like Joe Rogan, Andrew Tate and perhaps Joe Budden might come to mind. But the stuff Lemonada is churning out is the antithesis of all of that and all of them.
The second thing that struck me though, was David’s vulnerability. Not just in this episode, but others as well. It was something Gillian herself remarked on, saying, “I felt like I was learning more about you than I knew, or than I ever knew.”
“We know each other very deeply and yet we don’t know each other either in some weird way,” he said during their conversation, adding that despite being co-stars for three decades, “I don’t know that we ever sat down and said, ‘Hey, what was your childhood like?’”
The pair reflected on the chemistry they had, which began very early – like, audition process early – agreeing that from their very first few script reads, there was an “immediate connection” that lasted for a “long, long time”.
But, as they got further and further into filming, something changed.
“There was a long time, working on the show, where we were just not even dealing with one another off-camera. And there was a lot of tension.”
Despite this, the pair was still able to deliver on-camera performances that kept the show going and made it the huge success it was, success they admit they may not have been prepared for.
“I could've handled myself better, you know? And as you know, we went through a crazy-making kind of a process with this thing…I mean, I was pretty inexperienced. You were really inexperienced. And all of a sudden…It was like a global phenomenon before the internet. And we’re just scurrying, trying to figure out who we are,” David said.
This is the vulnerability I mentioned to be striking. I mean, listening to David admit that he could’ve been a better friend, that becoming a global phenomenon left him out of his depths, and that for a point in time, he didn’t know who he was – that’s all really vulnerable and very human. And hearing this conversation take place years after they appeared on screen together is so eye-opening because I think it’s safe to say that most viewers were clueless about just how much tension – and silence – they were navigating off-camera (hardcore fans tracked their tension for years, but never came to any conclusions). So for them to have that discussion so candidly all these years later is pretty remarkable.
But there is something equally remarkable about this conversation, and it’s that it’s being had and hosted by a man, particularly at a time when there have been rumblings of what’s being called the “male loneliness epidemic”. What David is giving us is almost a how-to guide to showing up authentically in your friendships – and a lot of men could use that kind of tutorial right now.
Back in 2021, it was reported by the Survey Center on American Life that 15% of men were experiencing loneliness, up 12% from 1990. And we’re not just talking about the kind of loneliness that comes and goes like it did in the pandemic, perhaps. But a deep, lingering loneliness where close friendship is obsolete, and isolation is rampant, leading to increased threats of extremism, early death and in some cases, involuntary celibacy and the risks to women and society that come with it.
While it certainly sounds sad and upsetting, it makes absolute sense that men in society have arrived in this place of feeling lonely and isolated. First, men have a lot less of the skills that women have when it comes to establishing and maintaining friendships. Second, with nearly 50% of American men admitting that they find more satisfaction from their online lives as opposed to their real ones, as reported in this L.A. Times piece, the disenfranchisement can’t come as a surprise, especially when you add in the fact that 1 in 5 Gen Z men trust misogynist podcasters like Andrew Tate – a man whose mere mention will have people, mostly women, fleeing for the hills.
All of that feeds into why what David Duchovny is doing has the potential to help men dig themselves out of the depths of loneliness and isolation. While I’ve often lamented over what I find to be a very oversaturated podcast market and the sheer amount of celebrities insisting they need microphones, what David is doing is…different. Different is good, but important is even better. And there are two main reasons what he’s doing, particularly with this podcast episode, is important.
First, David is showing men that platonic friendships between men and women can exist. Despite that kiss at the Emmys in 1997, which Gillian addressed in this video she shared to social media, she and David say they have never hooked up or been intimate. With so much of the driving force behind the psychology of an incel being negative dispositions toward women and in some cases, the oversexualization of them thanks to misogyny and mainstream pornography, being offered David’s counter-narrative and anecdotal example of platonic friendship is invaluable.
And the second reason what he’s doing is important is because he’s showing people that in order to have true, genuine friendships with longevity, whether the recipient of that is male or female, you have to be vulnerable, you have to be authentic and you have to take accountability. David’s podcast description touches on this:
“Why am I making a podcast? The best answer I can come up with is that I feel like I’ve been failing my entire life, so I can speak from plenty of experience,” he writes, before acknowledging some of his acting successes, then getting into his failures. “I also got a literal F in The New York Times. I had a high-profile divorce and a magical mystery tour through rehab. So now I want to get into the way that failure looms over all of us and really shapes who we are. What’s good about that, what’s bad about that, what’s holding us back in shame?”
What’s holding us back in shame? That is a very powerful question, typically posed by someone like Brene Brown. And it’s a question that we’d likely all be better off if we explored it truly and deeply. And that exploration becomes a lot more possible, a lot more likely when those conversations are facilitated not just by women, but by men, too.
Will all of the issues men are facing, particularly as it pertains to loneliness and isolation in society, be cured from a mere listen to a podcast episode? Likely not. But is this a start? Absolutely.
