WSJ Magazine just profiled Brad Falchuk, calling him “Hollywood’s Best-Kept Secret” and, well, you know what that means. It means that Gwyneth Paltrow is married to “Hollywood’s Best-Kept Secret”. She’s married to a power producer in the industry, who’s the frequent collaborator of a major power producer in the industry (Ryan Murphy), who’s now building his own brand name. 

This is what I’ve been saying about Gwyneth Paltrow – as much as you hate her, part of the reason you hate her is because she never takes an L. Her relationships are an example of this. Every time one ends, her next love is never a downgrade. After Brad Pitt, it was Ben Affleck (like Oscar-winning Good Will Hunting era Ben Affleck). She and Chris Martin fell in love basically just as Coldplay was on the climb and they married when he was the frontman of arguably the biggest band in the world at the time. Then she and Chris divorced and she’s with Brad Falchuk, superstar TV producer just as we were entering the age of Peak TV. He’s not too old, he’s not too young, he also has children, he has his own career, and he’s so successful that he’s now getting shine from WSJ, a publication that also featured her last year, setting them up as a multi-industry power couple. 

Ugh, she’s so smug! Ugh, she’s so annoying! Is what you’re shouting at your screen right now, I get it. But that doesn’t change the facts. The facts are she’s built a lifestyle empire and he’s building a TV empire and nothing’s in their way. The fact is the world is set up for someone like Gwyneth to win, always. 

G said recently that she and Brad are finally moving in together. Brad confirms to WSJ (via JustJared):

“I’m moving in September. We’ve just done it slowly. Divorce is terrible, even when it’s the right thing to do. And it’s really hard on kids. Come September, we’re all gonna Brady Bunch it up, and it’ll be great.”

As for the public perception of his marriage and his wife: 

“There’s a media version of her and me but we’re just home cooking dinner. Or she’s just cooking me breakfast. That’s all. We could not be a more normal couple…Gwyneth has a very tough skin. She’s like, ‘You’ve got to relax.’ At the end of the day, we’re getting into bed together…and nothing from the outside world or anybody’s opinion means anything.”

It doesn’t, really. What could it possibly mean? For a decade now, everyone has had an opinion about Gwyneth. And how has that really changed her goop life? Life works in favour of Gwyneth. Like the way only she can be part of the MCU and not know sh-t about the MCU. You’ve heard about the latest person to join the Gwyneth Paltrow Doesn’t Know You club? 

In an interview with Empire Magazine, Marvel head Kevin Feige was talking about shooting that scene at the end of Endgame:

“Tom Holland [was] coming up to me, saying, ‘Is that Michelle Pfeiffer? What is happening?’,” laughs Feige. “Gwyneth Paltrow [was] asking why Sam Jackson was there, and the other actors [were] jumping in saying, ‘What are you talking about? He’s Nick Fury! You’ve been in movies with him.’ But it was really something special.”

Samuel L Jackson now joins Tom Holland and Sebastian Stan in the Gwyneth Paltrow Doesn’t Know You club. It’s almost like there are certain things she can totally avoid knowing about, that if she chooses not to know them, she doesn’t have to know them – and, of course, this a privilege reserved for the few. 

I wonder how far this extends to her body of work. Does she have a snap effect, like Thanos, for Shallow Hal? Is that what’s next? First step is the disappearing of co-stars. Next step: the disappearing of entire movies.