Well sh-t. We’re getting so many appealing options for fall fragrances these days. If you buy Jessica Simpson, your choice is apparently to smell like tits. Click here to see her tits in the post from yesterday.

If you buy Gwyneth Paltrow for Hugo Boss, the option is to smell like…smug?

The entire time in this commercial, G’s lips remain pressed together, unlike Porny who can never seem to close her mouth. What lives between an open mouth and one that’s drawn together in condescension…or discomfort, I can’t decide. All I know is that I don’t believe she wants to be there. And neither is more effective than the other which, ultimately, I wonder if that’s more of a disappointment for Gwyneth than it is for Porny. Because shouldn’t it be automatic that a Gwyneth Paltrow ad be far superior?

Click here to see PEOPLE’s exclusive behind-the-scenes photos from the G’s shoot. You’ll cock your eyebrow over the opening sentence of that article.