Smutty Social Media, February 1, 2016

February 1, 2016 20:04:42 Posted at February 1, 2016 20:04:42
Maria Posted by Maria

Orlando Jones and Angela Bassett have a great casting idea for that Michael Jackson/Elizabeth Taylor/Marlon Brando roadtrip movie.


“Um” is right. A rare Shady sighting. It even left Lin-Manuel Miranda speechless.


This explains all of Carrie Underwood’s red carpet looks.

 

So glad someone got a pic of this! More rhinestones, indeed!!! Can a country gal really ever have too many? #TheStorytellerTour

A photo posted by Carrie Underwood (@carrieunderwood) on


This is a great selfie. Do you think she changed seats with someone at her table so she could spy on him from afar? I totally would.

 

Sorry boys. I'm off the market

A photo posted by Sophie Turner (@sophiet) on


It’s best if you have a couple of minutes to follow the whole stream, but Derek and Cara’s 3-hour relationship was super intense. “You were too old for me anyways.” (Side note: what a brilliant viral marketing play, and so fresh they were even able to incorporate Kanye’s maybe ass play.)

 

Guys. Over the course of my 3 hour relationship with Cara Delevingne i learned a lot about myself. I learned a relationship is like a beautiful bird. If there is love, it can take flight. But if the bird is caged, it begins to feel trapped, like as if it was in a cage. but then if someone is calling that bird “more washed up than a russians blue jeans” or “dumber than brie”, then the bird gets it’s feelings super hurt. But then if the bird tries to get one last french kiss goodbye, and the girl punches him right in the beak and then hits the bird with his selfie stick (which you can pay me for ANYTIME), then thats lame to do to the bird. THEN! THEN! She gets the bird in a half nelson and threatens to get a restraining odor, that’s super lame. Then she nearly broke the birds ARM! Which REALLY-REALLY HURT CARA!!!! Like you could have broken the birds WING! Anyway… I WILL triumph in all of this. Our relationship ended as it began. With all love, respect and now a deep mistrust for cara delvigne. Whoever that is. Call me when you get a modeling career. I could have HELPED YOU. You were too old for me anyways. Now I know everyone has my back, and the last thing I want is a flame war on my insta. I dont need the negativity. Like I said, it’s all love. But if you wanted to go hate on HER insta and leave comments on what a HUGE mistake she just made, and tell her I’m totally happy and never think about her all the time and am probably out boning liek a million models already here in Paris. Please feel free to do that. #Namaste. Switching my Raya location to #ROME tomorrow. See you soon @penelopecruzoficial 😘.

A photo posted by Derek Zoolander (@zoolander) on


I HATE bumpwatch, but doesn’t this seem like she wants us to bumpwatch?

 

When you know you shouldnt... but you just can't help yourself. Impulse control is a bit faulty 😆😨😐

A photo posted by Gabrielle Union (@gabunion) on


Jessica Simpson has a manny and a really beautiful house.

 

We are so proud to have @cheeseburgerkev to be a our Manny ⚠️ Eric is underwater on the Polaroid

A photo posted by Jessica Simpson (@jessicasimpson) on


Sophia Bush bought a typewriter that writes in cursive because of course she did. If you are at a flea market and find a typewriter, trunk, mason jars, a hutch you can refurbish (but never will), a locket, or an old timey phone you have to buy it. It’s twee hipster law.

 

hello ... it's me #cursivetypewriter #addingtomycollection #andsingingadeleatthefleamarket

A photo posted by Sophia Bush (@sophiabush) on


I don’t care about the outfit or even whose house this is (Liam’s? Is it Liam’s?), but clean your kitchen Miley.

 

A photo posted by Miley Cyrus (@mileycyrus) on


I couldn’t even tell that that’s a John Stamos cut out. Did you notice that Kevin Spacey’s SAG Awards speech mentioned “the theory of relativity”? He was referring to Relativity Media – if you’ve been following this story, you know it’s a confusing (fraudulent? Or just unfortunate?) mess and Kevin and his producing partner Dana want to run the studio’s tv and film interests. Vulture did a great breakdown on the players– read it here. You have to wonder why Kevin would even want to get involved in such a financial circus.

 

Flat Ronnie standing guard with Flat Johnnie (@johnstamos) while Kevin and I have lunch at the Château Marmont.

A photo posted by Dana Brunetti (@danabrunetti) on

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