Jen & Justin take a lot of pictures

August 11, 2015 15:19:22 Posted at August 11, 2015 15:19:22
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Thank you, Howard Stern. Howard Stern will keep your secret BEFORE the wedding, but afterwards, you’re not going to be able to tell him what to say, or not to say. Even if you’re Jennifer Aniston.

Howard talked on his radio show yesterday, giving details about Jen and Justin Theroux’s wedding last Wednesday. He was one of the few people who knew about the wedding in advance because Justin wanted him to give a speech. There were a few reports that RDJ was also there and also spoke but Howard said that RDJ wasn’t around (because he’s been spending the summer in the Hamptons, with Gwyneth Paltrow and family). US Weekly has a pretty comprehensive breakdown of what Howard revealed – click here to read it - but what stood out to me was what Howard said about pictures and phones. Sounds like he turned it into a bit during his remarks – like he kept complaining about not having his phone:

"Why can't I have my cell phone? I don't want to take a picture of you two! I really don't. I want my cell phone so after I make this speech I can call my car and get the f-ck outta here! People were laughing at my misery."
Stern said the only person who was allowed to have a camera was Terry Richardson. "The irony is, I've been on vacation with those two, and they take pictures every f-cking minute! They're constantly shooting pictures. But if I take a picture, I'm committing a sin! This whole...It was always called a birthday party. Whenever you got an email, it was a birthday party. They're so secretive that they even had the wedding on a Wednesday because nobody gets married on a Wednesday...Everything is always top secret. You go with these two, there's photographers every minute. I'm sitting by a pool in Mexico and around where I sit is a sheet so photographers can't get a picture. So I've never actually seen Mexico. The view I have is a sheet every year...When you go on vacation with people and aren't allowed to leave the house, you really get to know people."

This is information you can use. That Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux are Those People. We all have Those People in our lives. I sit next to one every day: Melissa Grelo, on The Social. She’s addicted to social media. Every time I look up, she has her phone out, taking a picture. Or a selfie. When we go out, the phone is always up for a group shot. I’m the opposite. This is why I don’t have Instagram. Sometimes I don’t remember that I could be taking a photo to capture a moment, and I regret it afterwards. When I do remember, it’s usually a picture of my dogs. Or when I’m golfing because, Christ Jesus, Jacek’s pre-shot routine is the longest in the history of the sport and there’s nothing else to do but stand around and wait for him to waggle 30 more times. That said, this is someone with a 6 handicap while I’m almost struggling to break 100. So maybe I should just shut the f-ck up.

Anyway, my point is that Jen and Justin, according to Howard, are always taking pictures of themselves. Like how he looks in his skinny black jeans. How he looks in his new muscle tee. Whether or not his eyebrow is arched perfectly. Whether or not her blowout is as nice as the one she got yesterday. Whether or not anyone can tell the difference between the black blazer she wore last week and the one she just bought. There’s a Kardashian in all of them. So who’s going to find Jen’s secret Instagram account first?

In other Jen/Justin wedding news, Matthew Perry and Matt LeBlanc weren’t invited. Perry told Entertainment Tonight that he didn’t know about it and that he was surprised. LeBlanc said that everyone’s fine and the “girls were there” so that’s all that matters. David Schwimmer didn’t make the cut either. How did Orlando Bloom make it and not Joey and Chandler?

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