Oh, the insane things Jeremy Renner says

June 29, 2015 20:26:01 Posted at June 29, 2015 20:26:01
Sarah Posted by Sarah

As I have said forever, Jeremy Renner is good for gossip, giving us a steady diet of Things To Talk About. This summer he’s knocking his press tours out of the park, kicking off Summer 2015 with the Avengers Outrage Tour, and now, ramping up promotions for Mission:Impossible – Rogue Nation, Renner is wasting no time. In a new interview with Playboy, he delivers a hit parade of commentary, ranging from how he totally revved JLo’s engine with his boob talk to choking people out. You have to read the whole interview for the full Rennerian effect, but here are the highlights.

JLo totes wasn’t offended

Renner famously commented on Jennifer Lopez’s magnificent rack at the Golden Globes earlier this year, which grossed out/pissed off everyone. He has consistently blown off the public’s ire, and he doubles down in Playboy, saying, “Actually, Jennifer thought it was f*cking funny and got a little sweaty and maybe even turned on by the whole experience.” So Jeremy Renner, Man, would like you to know that he turned on JLo with his dumb boob joke. Or maybe she was just sweaty under the hot stage lights, but I’m sure it was that unsolicited comments about her boobs get her hot and bothered.

But the part of Renner’s response that gets me is not his remarks about JLo. It’s this: “Those girls, co-hosts Amy Poehler and Tina Fey, are so funny, awesome and pretty racy.” Those GIRLS. This, to me, is a profound and insidious form of sexism, one that is hardly unique to Renner. I’m not pillorying him, but the entire goddamn system that results in two grown-ass, accomplished professional women being referred to as “those GIRLS”. Frankly, I’d rather deal with a gross sexual comment than this. At least the sexual comment is easy to condemn, but the “girling” of women is harder to get people to understand. But you are a girl! What’s wrong with that! What’s wrong with that is that Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are Jeremy Renner’s peers. Would he ever call the Marvel Chrises “those boys”?

Jeremy Renner is not gay, doesn’t care what you say

On his sexuality: “I don’t care, ultimately, if that’s what people want to think, read and care about. F*cking say whatever the hell you want about me.” If we’ve learned anything about Renner by now, it’s that he cannot keep his mouth shut. He’s been famous for a good five years now. I don’t think he can keep a secret that long, but “Jeremy Renner is gay” is one of the internet’s incontrovertible truths (even though they’re not true), like “Jake Gyllenhaal is gay”. Renner seems to have reconciled himself to the fact that he will never beat this rumor and his best option is just to move on.

When Jeremy Renner talks about choking people out, unicorns fart happiness

Nothing in the world makes me happier right now than Renner talking about choking people out. This is by far the best part of the interview: “I’ve been in altercations, and there have been a few moments when I had to put someone down.” First of all, who talks like that?! Second of all, IT GETS BETTER. “A guy got really drunk” he says, “and pushed Julia Stiles, my co-star [in the 2005 movie A Little Trip to Heaven]. I kindly choked him out and remedied the situation. I’ve also had to choke people out because they pushed my mom or knocked my sister down, but I’ve never felt like a badass.”

I KINDLY CHOKED HIM OUT AND REMEDIED THE SITUATION. If Renner ever writes a memoir, this needs to be the title. I Kindly Choked Him Out: A Life of Remedying Situations. And then he has the gall to say he’s never felt like a badass! In this interview alone he talks about (allegedly) turning on Jennifer Lopez, guns, playing action heroes, and the multiple occasions on which he has choked people out, all reinforcing his Action Hero Man image. I’ve seen Jeremy Renner swagger—that dude definitely thinks he’s a badass. Do yourself a favor and visit the happy place that is Jeremy Renner and The Insane Things He Says.

Click here to read the entire interview. 

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