Dear Gossips,

So the “new” Golden Globes were…a mess. Which is how we like our Golden Globes! Unfortunately for Jo Koy, in most of the post mortem coverage of the show, his performance as host is included in that mess. In his defence, he had no time. We all know, by now, that he was only confirmed like two weeks ago, and part of that was during the holidays. This is what I’d been alluding to in my mentions of Jo’s being named host – that first of all, he was asked after several others had declined and then, well, there wasn’t much runway. I guess that explains why he managed to land only two or three, if that, solid jokes during the monologue. The Robert De Niro one? It was good. But not good enough to overcome all the bad ones. And the mob of Taylor Swift fans coming for his ass.

Can we turn this into a Show Your Work lesson? Maybe Jo can turn it into some better material for his next standup special. But my takeaway from it, from a work perspective, is that perhaps it’s not the opportunity of a lifetime when it’s so rushed, when you have to compromise your preparation standards. Maybe we have romanticised, from movies and television, that scenario where you get handed this chance at the last minute, and somehow we manage to turn it around and crush it. Maybe that Hollywood dream is really just a lie – and ironically that was proved on a Hollywood stage.

But the chaos of the Globes last night wasn’t just because of the host. A lot of it also had to do with the most random presenter pairings, starting with the first pairing, Angela Bassett and Jared Leto. Surprisingly Jared wasn’t dressed like an asshole, for a change, and I wonder if that’s because he actually knew better than to pull that sh-t next to Angela. Then he proceeded to take the piss out of himself which, on the one hand, I appreciated, that he can laugh at himself. But on the other hand, it was kinda giving Justin Timberlake in that he was making it all about himself. When Angela Bassett is right there? How dare you.

Similarly weird – America Ferrera and Kevin Costner. She was GREAT, I loved her bit, but he didn’t know how to match what she was doing about her Barbie monologue, and it became a mismatch of energy that went on for way too long, and ended up feeling like when your grandfather tries to explain a movie to you.

Don Cheadle and Kate Beckinsale? Also not vibing, another stilted and awkward combination that was not intentional. Keri Russell and Ray Romano? That was on purpose, and I liked it, but I liked her even more in that white Jil Sander dress with the bits of cut up material that looked like the pieces of phone number that you pull off a bus shelter if you’re looking for a tutor.

Plus… Keri and Matthew Rhys:

As for Kristen Wiig and Will Ferrell, yes, sure, of course, those two are never going to bomb and they were reliably funny while presenting together, again, but without the element of surprise. Which is why the best presenters of the night, for me, were Andra Day and Jon Batiste, because you didn’t expect it, and it was SO natural, just two charismatic people being charismatic together.

But that shot is what was different about the new Globes too – this camera angle, with the presenters positioned with their backs to the people seated in the audience so that we could see the people behind them. It’s a good idea, a very good idea, that was executed poorly because at times they were wayyyyy too tight on the presenters. We didn’t need them so close up, and I’m not sure if they did it like that so that the presenters could properly see the prompter? Whatever the reason, it didn’t work as well as they would have hoped, but I do want to acknowledge the effort, that they’re trying to make the show look different, since that f-cking ballroom doesn’t seem to have changed since the 70s.

I realise now that I’ve spent this entire open talking about presenters and not winners. We’ll get to more of the winners – and the people (and dolls) that did NOT win – throughout the day. But let’s go out with Roman Roy, who was the number one boy on this night, and one of the highlights of the show:

A shout-out to the control room for cutting away to Emma Stone as Kieran was leaving the stage. They obviously know their gossip and remember that, yes, once upon a time, Emma and Kieran were very young and very in love. And all these years later, they are no longer a couple but they both won. Look at these babies 15 years ago in 2009:

Emma Stone and boyfriend Kieran Culkin attend the "The Starry Messenger" cast party at Montenapo Restaurant on November 16, 2009 in New York City

If you’d told them then that they’d be at the Golden Globes one day and both of them walking away with trophies, they wouldn’t be able to imagine it.

So with that nostalgia, let’s get to the rest of the coverage – the fashion, the awards race, and of course the GOSSIP. As in the Taylor-Timmy-Selena-and-Kylie of it all. Keep refreshing because the posts are incoming! And thank you to those who joined the live chat at The Squawk last night and left almost 1200 comments! This is exactly what we wanted to do with the community and we hope you come back next week because we’re doing it again for the Emmys!

And speaking of the Emmys, the Globes didn’t have much love for Abbott Elementary last night but that might chance a week today on Emmy night which is just as well because Sheryl Lee Ralph and Janelle James wore almost the same look and I’m guessing that won’t repeat itself next Monday.

Photos attached below - please click through to see them all.

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

Don Cheadle Gossip

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