Here’s Harry arriving home today with his fellow soldiers. They were flown back to England, landing in Oxfordshire, on a Royal Air Force A-330 following a tour of duty in Afghanistan. As you know, Harry was gone for 4 months and loved the freedom and pissing out helicopters but maybe not the celibacy but that’ll change by the weekend when he resumes life on the club circuit.

In plain English, shall we?

He’s been jerking it since September. You don’t think getting the real thing would be on his mind, like, immediately? Please. That’s probably all they talked about on the flight back. As for who and how? He’s a prince. He has a steady booty, no question. Word on Harry is that his steady booty is a lot less blonde than the girls he’s approved to be seen with in public. Amazing how discreet he can be when it comes to that, and how indiscreet he can be when he’s surrounded by naked women in Vegas. It’s almost as if, in those circles, getting caught with your pants down, literally, is ok, so long as, you know, ahem, you’re accompanied by the right skin tone.