The Ringer Season 1 Episode 3

Dear Ringer fans – or Sarah Michelle Gellar fans. I’m sorry. I know how mad you are at me. I know because I’m getting your emails, and man are they ever filled with exclamation points. Okay, so here’s the deal. Have been trying to hold off on making too many snap judgments, while still seeing whether there’s enough people who are passionate about the show (and whether we are, too).

Anyway, let’s check out episode 3. I’m still not promising I’m going to love it. You guys haven’t sent flaming bags of poop to my house yet, and if you want, I can send you my address…but I think you’ll find I’m not not giving the show respect – it just doesn’t know yet what it wants to be. Right?

So, after a lengthy recap which reminds us why Siobhan is probably a grade-A bitch, we find Bridget, dreaming/thinking and musing about the dead assassin’s phone. Anyway, fridgid husband Andrew solicitously thanks Bridge for thinking of the fact that perhaps Juliet would like to go see her mother in Miami, and she made him coffee, and that he needs her to do him a surprise favour. Honestly, who the hell talks like this? A surprise favour?

Okay so now Bridge calls her Sponsor, who’s hanging out in a dark parking garage, which by the way, means he’s going to die, but also, how on earth is he getting reception down there? I know they say it’s Wyoming, but still. Anyway, much shenanigans about trying to pry off the back of a phone that somehow results in Bridge finding the photo that the hit man had of Siobhan, which, in this case means…not much. Honestly, the rationale that Bridget gives for why she thinks Andrew ordered the hit is so flimsy and ridiculous her sponsor is like “I need a girl with more sense”. Anyway, her sponsor, who’s still saintly and walking through the largest parking garage in life, gets attacked. Not killed, but still. Who’s surprised?

He wakes up in the back of a strip club with various thugs watching him. He spits blood out as they film on their phones…and one of the guys is the murderer Bridget was going to testify against.

At the precinct, the detective is frustrated that they won’t release Siobhan’s phone records. He delivers a soliloquy about how he’s going to catch both sisters, and it’s exactly as pointless as you might think. He doesn’t even move from his desk.

Okay, this is kind of funny. Bridget plays society-lady-whose-husband-is-cheating in a Times-Square style electronics store, where the teenage kid at the counter is super clear with her. He says the assassin’s phone is disposable and the whole point of those is people don’t want to be found.

Paris! Siobhan obviously had all her favourite clothes shipped ahead with her. She’s at the bar, and - I’m sorry, it’s not like I’m willing these things to happen – she helps an ugly American (‘ugly’ in the political sense) order a drink because while the bartender’s English is not very good, Siobhan’s French is atrocious but we’re to think it’s good. MUCH talk of a “Shizutini” which, despite my googling, did not turn up. Anyway, don’t you want to know what Siobhan says to this guy who can best be described as ‘a young Justin Chambers’?

So Siobhan drinks wine, the guy smirks at her, he just moved here, her necklace threatens to overwhelm her. She asks about this dude, Tyler, and his job a lot, and while we’re all sufficiently bored, she tells him her name is Cora Farrell and asks him to call her for “a French lesson”. I do not make this stuff up. Well I do, but not here.

OK, NYC. Bridget, assumedly on her mystery errand? It does look sufficiently sketchball. Also, Bridge has apparently decided she needs some self-tanner to really sell herself as Siobhan. Like a lot. Anyway, Bridget is medium trapped in an alleyway before Gemma arrives to pull her in the door, because of COURSE it’s a personal tailoring session, why wouldn’t it be? Some yammer about how wonderful Andrew is …

Followed directly by Andrew and Gemma’s husband. He’s having a drink already and wants to pull his investment. They talk in code a bit, but the money’s getting pulled.

Back at the ranch, poor nonmaterialistic Bridget is overwhelmed by the sight of all the dresses and Gemma is resentful that Bridget never thinks what Andrew does is good enough. Bridget is half placated and half suspicious…

Anyway, the secret phone rings. And the person on the other end is looking at her because he says she dropped her scarf! He wants the phone, but he’s watching her even as we speak! Many, many shots of people on their phones, making it very clear we don’t know who is speaking. Mystery caller wants her to leave the phone on a bench, but apparently Bridget is too smart for that – and snatches it up again.

At home, Bridget tries to trace the (blocked, obvs.) phone. Bridget doesn’t try again, instead she tries to call Ward, her sponsor, but he’s having the crap beat out of him at an undisclosed location, remember?

So now Bridget is looking at two photos and the phone, trying to puzzle things out. This is what makes me crazy. She’s just so…obvious about this. Anyway, Gemma calls all ‘why did you ditch me’, and Bridget tries to pay attention on the phone while finding, in Siobhan’s books, a card for divorce lawyers…

At Andrew’s work, the woman who bothered me on Dexter still bothers me here. Her name is Olivia – and she’s pissed that Gemma’s husband Henry is pulling his cash out. In fact, Olivia is really into Gemma’s father’s money. But as it happens, Andrew’s not interested in making enemies. Since when?

Elevator. Siobhan bursts in and of course someone is all “Siobhan, you walked past me in the elevator”. Bridget gathers clues based on the woman holding a toy bag, and THIS is what I’m talking about, that she’s finally using some sort of the street smarts that you’d think she would have acquired in her various travels. Finally. Anyway, in a funny moment, Bridget’s overfamiliar, all “We should do lunch!” and the woman is like “REALLY? Yes please totally be my friend Siobhan I love you!”

OK. So, divorce lawyers. Lawyer never got “Siobhan’s” changes to her prenup, and implies that Siobhan had been scared of physical retribution from Andrew. He says that if there has been abuse, her divorce case would be different – and then says he knows ‘Siobhan’ was right, Andrew is trying to cheat her out of some money on a property. Bridget looks like she really wishes she took accounting back in high school.

Home. Bridget ransacks files, looking for one that would prove the original price of the property was different than the original. But Andrew bursts in all ‘how about you went to a divorce laywer without telling me?’ Then he finds her digging in the files for the ‘is it expensive or not’ property. Bridget grips a letter opener, but Andrew is only sad that he thought things were getting better, and now they’re not. It’s never enough, no matter how many dresses he buys her. Can’t he meet her halfway? Then, he says she can take Gemma to the ballet instead. I love that there’s all this stuff about ballet; I certainly hope Bridget loves it as much as Siobhan did…

Killer’s lair. Ward is swearing up and down he doesn’t know where Bridget is, where she was planning to go, and why doesn’t the killer let her go, since of course Bridget’s lack of testimony is why he’s free anyway.

Gemma’s at Andrew’s firm. Olivia screeches about her having been brought in just to sign some papers and eviscerates an assistant who finally earned her SAG card but had to get berated to do it. Then Olivia gets to throw down that Henry’s pulling their money from the firm. I think I speak for everyone when I say WTF?

Bridget’s at the property, which we assume is 227 Pratt street. She heads to some papers on the floor which basically say the place is a condemned dump. Bridget talks out loud to herself that maybe Andrew was telling the truth. And, in what’ s par for the course these days, an angry looking man comes in all ‘hello, Siobhan…’

So she pulls out her gun on the guy who demands she give back the phone, give back the phone. She outruns him somehow and books it ut onto the street, jumps in a cab (and poor Siobhan, it’s a van cab, not so chic) and finally realizes she’s in deep enough that she needs to call agent Machado…

When she meets him, he was surprised to have received her call. And wonders why she doesn’t want to have this meeting in his office. Bridget just wants to know if there are any leads on “Bridget”. Then she finally gets what she wants, as he says he’ll tell her what he knows about her. Machado starts to fill in some gaps for Bridget, but she’s defensive on Siobhan’s behalf. As he lists his clues, she accurately says “So I missed a few appointments and needed some cash, so what?” Machado’s starting to think this stinks, and points out her Thursday afternoon appointments have stopped. He wants to know if Andrew knows she’s been cheating, and she rolls her eyes and walks away. Machado backsteps and says he can help both Bridget and Siobhan. And then, her phone rings. And THEN her hit man calls, and Bridget Finally, Awesomely, says she’s going to send her phone to the FBI agent if anything happens to her (we’ll ignore the logistics of how that would happen), so she just bought herself some insurance.

Henry and Andrew yell at each other. Pretty unclear who thinks what’s going on, but Olivia comes in and smarms that she was just trying to protect them. They’re playing oblique on what these two are up to, but Olivia is not subtle about what kinds of partners she wants them to be.

Bridget gives her ballet tickets to Gemma, then wonders why THE PICTURE of Siobhan is in Gemma’s house. Gemma exposits that the picture of the two of them was their holiday card – which seems rich. Anyway, Siobhan begins to feel better…

Paris. “Cora”. Making out with the American, then kicks him out, feeling nauseous. She barfs…and maybe the other shoe begins to drop for Siobhan…

Back in New York. Andrew, working late. Bridget comes in dressed as Siobhan in what amounts to a gigantic taffeta bedsheet. She wants to apologize, or at least explain. She is all done up to go out though. Then she points out that when she went to see him a while ago,things were ‘tense’ between them. But when things got better, she was going to call it off. Andrew is still a poncy Brit, but he’s working pretty hard to affect an injured Mr. Darcy vibe here, and it’s working. Anyway, one of those things where it’s “Siobhan” speaking, but as she says she was scared but is learning Andrew’s the one she has to trust, we realize it’s actually Bridget’s words. Then she drops the taffeta bedsheet and shows him the beautiful dress he bought for her and says the dress is the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for her, and I think this is careless. What if Andrew had arranged a ballet for her before?

The murderer injects Ward with smack. Five (or six, it’s unclear) years clean goes down the drain with some really bad camera effects…

Back in New York, Andrew and Bridget-in-Siobhan celebrate their newfound détente by staring out the window and listening to Portishead. Then Andrew says he has to trust Siobhan, too, and says he hopes they can be honest with each other, and you know this is building to somewhere great or terrifying… my stomach clenches …Andrew says they used to be amazing…

Henry types, and answers a ‘Private” phone call.

Paris. Siobhan is still sitting on her bed. We realize she’s the one making the call with a big giant pink pregnancy test in front of her. Seriously, it’s the biggest pregnancy test ever. Also, I love that she’s still in the slip she was making out in. Did she make the concierge bring that up?

Okay. All right. So the pace is beginning to pick up, but I’m still not sure why exactly I care so deeply about these two: Bridget’s nicer than Siobhan but they’re both playing so cold that I’m having a hard time rooting for either of them. I think SMG is skilled and I think the mystery can and should take a while to roll out, but I’m going to need something to pin me down, make me care even more about all these men running around messing with the sisters’ lives.

Okay? Are we friends?