It’s the middle of the night as I write this, otherwise known as the middle of the workday, which as we all know is the traditional time for some gloating.  

 

Or so I thought:

I was all set to talk about Andrew Garfield and remind you that while you might be confused about your continued feelings of lust for a man in a brown suit with an open collar – a man who is using the same moves and looks as he did at the Golden Globe Awards earlier this year. A man who is shameless about deploying his pendant and open collar combination! “Hey, girl. Confused about where to look? Follow the necklace, baby.” 

Andrew Garfield photographed at the 97th Annual #Oscars📷

— Film Crave (@filmcrave.bsky.social) 2025-03-02T23:48:48.176Z
 

Are you a little off-put by the voice I’m choosing for him? I confess, I did check myself momentarily to see if it was too much… but then I clocked those brown-tinted glasses and continued on my way. What else are those trying to say!? Come on! 

Yup. This is THE photo of Andrew Garfield I needed today

— Jarett Wieselman (@jarettsays.bsky.social) 2025-03-02T23:54:20.549Z
 

This is a man who is feeling himself. And I thought I was going to be gloating about having always been on board with that, but I am shocked to tell you all that the first mention of me and Andrew Garfield in the same breath on this site involves Lainey saying ‘even though he’s not Duana’s type’. I can only imagine why she thought that. 

— Christopher Broker (@christopherbroker.bsky.social) 2025-03-03T00:54:07.813Z

Because this man is everything we all want. A little self-satisfied, a little dorky, a little off-putting in the best way possible. Case in point: he and Goldie Hawn presenting together. 

 

He starts off all “Oh, you were important to my mom,” someone we know he’s been grieving. So, overtly linking Goldie to his mother, right? But then gazing at the woman like she’s made of mesmerising, and clutching her to him like he might otherwise drop her – I am unable to find the clip of him stroking her waist, but like…dude. 

Nobody missed the intensity – but nobody agrees on what it means: 

 

But then again, this is Garfield’s new brand – a lot of suggestive, without the actual clinch. He’s been 'quietly dating' Monica Barbaro, but they stopped short of actually appearing on the carpet together. It’s an interesting technique, right? On the one hand, overtly oozing certain implications, in a super-respectful way, of course: 

https://x.com/extramicrowave/status/1896359894456119703

Then, on the other hand, there’s this. We remember Amelia, of course, right? 

!!!! We could Zapruder that eye shift from Monica FOREVER, right? You know that moment where you think everything is about to be out there on the table? She had no chill whatsoever. 

 

So maybe it’s better that they didn’t show up together to Vanity Fair – they turned up a whole three minutes apart. Let’s let them keep their illusions, I guess…

Andrew Garfield photographed at the Vanity Fair #Oscar  Party. 📷

— Film Crave (@filmcrave.bsky.social) 2025-03-03T08:21:31.787Z
Monica Barbaro attends the 2025 Vanity Fair Oscar Party Hosted By Radhika Jones at Wallis Annenberg Center for the Performing Arts on March 02, 2025 in Beverly Hills, California

I like this dress better than her red carpet one. I know the pink ballgown is supposedly more the dress you ‘win’ in, but given that there was little chance, she could probably have gone with this one, where she’s undoubtedly feeling herself…

After all, you wouldn't roll up to Jay Z & Beyonce's party if you weren't feeling pretty great, right? And -- I'm sure it was just a coincidence that they happened to take the same car. Right? 

(P.S. I read Lainey her line about Garfield not being my type. She, like me, was floored at this obvious incorrect history. Me: “What could 2012 you have thought was ‘not my type’ about Andrew Garfield?” Her: “Youth!” Reader, I died.) 

Andrew Garfield and Monica Barbaro attended the 97th Oscars and the Vanity Fair Oscar Party on March 2-3, 2025, later heading to an after-party.
Photo credits: Doug Peters/PA Images/INSTARimages, Chelsea Lauren/ Shutterstock, ZUMAPRESS.com/ MEGA/ WENN, GAMR/ The Daily Stardust/ Backgrid

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