Austin + Zoë: Hot in Paris

A late summer treat is the Caught Stealing press tour, which is mostly just Austin Butler and Zoë Kravitz going around the world, being incredibly hot. Hot in Puerto Rico, hot in New York, hot in London—basically the only person capable of pulling focus from Austin and Zoë  is Tonic the cat.

The latest stop on the hotness tour is Paris, where Austin and Zoë continue their agenda of being extremely hot. Darren Aronofsky is also along for the trip, and he’s giving real “Dean Pelton in Jeff Winger’s shadow” vibes. Final boarding call beefcake airways, indeed! 

Lainey opened up a can of worms, gossip genie’ing Austin Butler and Dakota Johnson. I’m more on Team Sabrina Carpenter, though. I feel like Butler needs a fun girlfriend, someone to balance his quieter vibes. He and Dakota Johnson operate on too similar of a lowkey frequency, I worry that together, they’d sink into a mutual coma from which they would never awaken. Sabrina Carpenter, however, looks like a lot of fun, and we know she likes actors. We would get at least three good songs out of Sabrina + Austin.

But why aren’t we just rooting for Austin and Zoë to deliver on their Caught Stealing chemistry? The film is being sold on their mutual hotness and chemistry, why don’t we want this to become real? When did we stop choosing joy in our lives? After weeks of miserable heat across the continent, we’re getting a little break from the thermostat, and it is 100% because Austin Butler and Zoë Kravitz are absorbing all the heat in the upper atmosphere. They’re so hot they’re healing nature!