Gwen Stefani Uma Uma At the moment, Uma Thurman sits atop my husband’s Freebie 5. And since Gwen Stefani’s pregnancy, she is the only member of his Freebie 5 - although I think the sales girl who sold him La Dauphine from the Christian Dior store the other day has probably gained entry. By Lainey • May 20, 2006 08:00 am
Hugh Grant Heike Makatsch Do you recognise this woman? Look at her face. I’ll give you a second. … … As long time readers of this column already know, one of my all time favourite movies is Love Actually. From November to the end of December, I watch it at least once a week. Every By Lainey • May 20, 2006 08:00 am
Denise Richards The Gargantuan Forehead of Tyra Banks Waaaaaaahhhhhh. Soooo Welly Bick Head! That’s what my mother would say. Astonishing, isn’t it? The enormity? The sheer size? The glaringly obvious hypocrisy of Tyra Banks? The weave line, the unwaxed lip, the trannification – where does this woman get off telling other shallow psychotic supermodel wannabes how much By Lainey • May 20, 2006 08:00 am
Beyonce arrives in Nice You know what totally rocks about being a rich, rich, rich celebrity? Private air. Chartered flights. I call it “fresh flying”. Take a look at Beyonce arriving at the airport in Nice yesterday for the Festival. Now tell me, have you ever looked this good, this FRESH, after 9 hours By Lainey • May 20, 2006 08:00 am
Rebecca Romijn: what an ass No seriously. Look at her ass. My Goddess that’s an ass. It’s absolutely mouthwatering, don’t you think? The ass and those legs, those legs that go on forever – totally wasted and a frickin’ crime if you ask me. Wasted on that useless and dispensable Jerry O’Connell By Lainey • May 20, 2006 08:00 am
Britney Spears Britney begs for sympathy Who can resist the tears of a woman, even a woman as irritatingly ignorant as Britney Spears? In case you haven’t heard, Britney almost dropped her baby the other day, in front a large crowd of pappies, wearing heels and holding a drink, her ankle turned, Sean’s head By Lainey • May 20, 2006 08:00 am
Jennifer Aniston Sofia Coppola in Cannes I trash people all the time for wearing the same thing, the same black dress, over and over again. Because on Jennifer Aniston, it’s just plain boring. There are, of course, exceptions to every rule. And constant black on Sofia Coppola is actually pure gorgessity. There’s something so By Lainey • May 20, 2006 08:00 am
Clive Owen The Daily "Just Miss": Amanda Peet Small steps, gossips. Small steps. Not bad, all things considered – especially in light of past transgressions. But, as you all know, an inch or two can make all the difference. In her case, there is something very, very off about the length of this tunic. The back is nice enough. By Lainey • May 18, 2006 08:00 am
Kevin Federline Skitty is the new skank Please skip to the next if you don’t care for vocabulary discussions. My new favourite word: SKITTY. From my new London lexicon (the English are so deliciously catty, don’t you think??) meaning dirty, trashy, nasty – used to describe girls like Sienna Miller, for example, and NOT meant to By Lainey • May 18, 2006 08:00 am
Jennifer Love Hewitt Alyssa Milano: rock hard and single Such a shame… someone who spends this much time on her body – and what a body it is – just to be so unlucky in love. Between Alyssa, Shannen Doherty, and Jennifer Love Hewitt, I’m starting to blend them all together: three tv girls, all child stars, all disastrously unlucky By Lainey • May 18, 2006 08:00 am
Kevin Federline Heather Mills: gold digger on the loose If Dean McDermott and Kevin Federline are the crown princes of golddiggery, Heather Mills must be the current Empress Dowager. On the 0ff chance you’ve been avoiding gossip over the last 2 days, you should know that Macca’s cut her loose, making Stella very happy, and yet so By Lainey • May 18, 2006 08:00 am
Brandon Davis The Lohan/Hilton War & the Battle of Brandon Davis The bloadsoaked streets of Paris are making me thirsty for conflict. And seriously, is there anything better than a good old fashioned Hollywood catfight, with good vs. evil and a clear, cocaine drawn line between the two? I think not. Every war is characterised by key battles. The Lohan/Hilton By Lainey • May 18, 2006 08:00 am
Halle Berry Halle Berry is budget all over That weave must go. SOOO ghetto, don’t you think??? As for the budget dress - I don’t care who designed it. Anything that looks this tacky and this cheap, that gives Halle THE BODY a bulge is wrong, wrong, wrong. Pregnancy rumours? Sure, fire ‘em up again. Especially since By Lainey • May 16, 2006 08:00 am
Nicole Richie The Daily Malnourished: Ellen Pompeo So I was slow getting on the Grey’s bandwagon. VERY SLOW. Never watched an episode until last week, when I rented the first season dvd and got completely junkied. LOVE Isaiah Washington. LOVE my home girl Sandra Oh! The show is pure genius and Ellen Pompeo is an appealing By Lainey • May 16, 2006 08:00 am
Strong and not She might speak her own mind, but I hear she doesn’t act her own mind. Tough as nails is what we thought all along. All of us. Which is why this is surprising the small but growing network of people who have been privy to the inside scoop – the By Lainey • May 16, 2006 08:00 am
Paris Hilton Intro for May 16, 2006 Dear gossips, Two words about London? Smutty sophistication. Y’all are some hardcore gossips and I love you for it. Here are some of the delightful things I’ve picked up from my delightful new English sources. Try to keep up: 1. Apparently, Golden Balls waxes everything. EVERYTHING. Indeed, if By Lainey • May 16, 2006 08:00 am
