So the Fast Times at Ridgemont High celebrity table-read for charity was streamed last night. Let’s not pretend that people were interested in anything other than Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston reuniting, sort of. The roles that the stars would be reading was not released ahead of time. As I wrote a few weeks ago, it was most likely that Brad would be playing “Brad”, Judge Reinhold’s character in the original, and that Jen would be “Linda” who was played by Phoebe Cates. And that, indeed, is what happened. 


Which is why… obviously… everybody’s thinking about That Scene. 

Brad Pitt wore a green t-shirt. Jen wore a red bikini over a white tank. And here’s the moment when “Brad” imagines “Linda” inviting him to approach her breasts with both his hands:

As Jillian Sederholm tweeted, that’ll for sure end all the speculation – and hoping – that these two get back together. 

If you want to watch the entire thwarted masturbation scene, the full table-read video is below, and you can forward to around the 35 or 36 minute mark. For those of who don’t give a sh-t about Brad and Jen reuniting though, it’s worth it just to hear Morgan Freeman say “jacking off”. Yes, because we are all mature. 



And for those who will forever believe in Brad and Jen, here’s something else for you to hang on your dreams on:

Maybe you can appeal to Julia Roberts to facilitate this fantasy. I mean if anyone can make this a reality, it’s Julia. And did indeed seem delighted when Brad and Jen were interacting. 


Then again, she seemed delighted throughout. In like a mother hen kind of way, proudly watching over all her friends. I don’t know if it was just me but I thought she showed a lot of affection for Shia LaBeouf who, for me, was the best part of all of it, a whole ass spectacle as Jeff Spicolo. For some reason he was shooting in his car. And smoking and sweating and generally just doing the most, which Sean Penn seemed to approve of.

If you need any other reason to spend an hour on Fast Times, it would be Shia. Like I almost want him to be nominated for something based on this performance alone. 

Bringing it back to Brad and Jen though, I imagine this whole thing would have landed a lot better if not for the fact that, inconveniently, he was just seen with Nicole Poturalski, the hot young German model, a few weeks ago. But maybe the new headline in Life & Style or the Daily Mail can be that going for a wank in character for the Fast Times table-read made Brad Pitt realise how much he wants to get back together with Jennifer Aniston and break up with Nico P. That work?